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Coming into my freshman year of college, I heard one phrase over and over again:
Things are never going to be the same.
Honestly, I’ve never been a fan of how cliche, dramatic and emotional everyone gets about graduation and moving on, so I shrugged it off and didn’t buy into it. I was excited for things to change. Isn’t that supposed to be the best part of college? Starting over somewhere new and deciding how your life is going to pan out? Meeting new people? Living in a new town? Not having class on Fridays? All those changes sounded great to me!
What I didn’t realize is that there are many more changes during your first year of college than just your surroundings. Your relationships with old friends change, and a lot of them fade. To be clear, I don’t think the main cause of these dissipating relationships is a lack of effort and FaceTime calls to old friends. Keeping in touch is so easy these days with social media, FaceTime, texting, etc. In college, you get to choose your friends. You don’t have to be friends with “Snooty Sally” because you want to be invited to her birthday party, you don’t have to be friends with “Conceited Callie” because your moms work together, and you don’t have to put up with “Rude Rebecca” because you’re on the same cheer squad.
The new friendships we make in college are solely based on if we want to be friends with someone. People have more important things to do (the LSAT, internships, naps, etc.) than worry about petty drama with people you are not required to spend time with. You get to pick friends that have compatible personalities with you. Friends that interest you. Friends that you want to be around. And here’s the other thing – they’re choosing you too, for those same reasons!
The friends you make in college want to be your friend because of who you are, not the circumstances that forced you to be around each other. If someone is carving out an hour and a half out of their homework infested week to spend time with you, you know that you have a truly genuine friend. Once you have friendships with people who are mutually choosing to be your friends for reasons other than “we grew up together”, all your old friendships will be put to the test.
If you have friends that you genuinely enjoy being around 24/7, you’ll quickly start to notice how many old friends you probably wouldn’t be friends with if you hadn’t known each other since you were five years old. And, if you’re spending 9 out of 12 months of the year with positive, honest friends, you’re not going to settle for less when you’re home for the summer.
This is not to say that all your old friendships are toxic, but you’ll quickly realize the ones that are not worth keeping. You’ll also be all the more appreciative of the old friends you enjoy just as much as your new friends because they’ve been showing you genuine friendship all along.
Unfortunately, childhood friends can sometimes become like old socks. They served their purpose, but they’ve got holes in them. Now, you have new socks, the really cool ones with avocados or cats or penguins that fit you way better than the old socks with stains and holes. If you really need a pair, those will work, but given the option, you’re going with the avocado socks. And you know what? THAT’S OKAY.
The famous quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower says it all:
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
Your college friends will quickly show you how honest, fun, and beneficial friendship can be. After you’re in friendships that build you up 24/7, you’ll realize how toxic some of your previous friendships were, and you’ll have no desire to go back.
Sadly, this can leave a lot of hurt feelings for the other person, but you know what? If the friendship wasn’t good for you, it probably wasn’t great for them either. Sooner or later, they too will find friendships that will make them wonder how they ever settled for less.
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