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I longed for college my whole life. I was the girl who dreamed about getting a stuffed animal with a graduation cap. I wanted to be in a place where everyone was pursuing their dreams and what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives. I wanted to be in college and I had a pretty idyllic view of what it’d be like.
It would be this perfect place where my freshman year roommate would end up my maid of honor, I would would get a dream internship, nail the dream job and maybe even get all A’s if I worked really hard. After all, isn’t that what I was sold on from the book they gave me at orientation – that hard work would be all it takes?
As a lifelong homeschooled student, I didn’t realize how common it was for students to not see college the same way I did. Many people see college as a time to discover their dreams, but I saw it as a time to conquer my dreams. I’d never even been inside a classroom before freshman year, so it was quite the reality check when not everyone around me was as focused on pursuing their dreams as I was.
Most of the girls at Ole Miss seemed stressed about sorority recruitment shortly after we first arrived on campus. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a college where this is a huge deal, but if you have, you probably know how lonely it can be if you’re one of the few people you know who isn’t. Maybe that’s why I went for it.
At first, I solely focused on studying and writing for our school newspaper “The Daily Mississippian,” which I loved and still do. I tried not to focus on the growing loneliness I felt. During my second semester, I made a great friend who was in a sorority. She was a senior and introduced me to her sorority sisters who also became my friends, so I decided to COB (continuous open bidding) to their sorority in the Fall of my second year. At first, I was extremely unsure. I went to college on complete scholarship and grants, and I wasn’t sure if I could afford it. I plunged ahead anyway not wanting to leave college behind with any regrets.
I think a lot of girls wouldn’t agree with my sorority experience and that’s okay. Everyone is different. But this is my story…
What I found in less than three months was that this wasn’t the place for me. As much I wanted to believe sororities were great communities of women, which I still believe is true, it wasn’t necessarily true from my experience. Where I met a lot of wonderful, kind, intelligent and empowering women, I also met a lot of women who made me realize why negative stereotypes about sororities exist.
For me, the benefits of a sorority didn’t equal its cost because it seemed as if there was more negativity in my life than positivity. Many girls made snobby comments about my clothing, and it seemed like they would only get nastier the harder I tried to present myself well. My discomfort grew when feeling like I was always supposed to wear baggy T-shirts and Nike shorts or lululemon leggings, which just wasn’t and still isn’t my personal style. After a while, I felt less and less sure of why I was in a group that made me feel like I simply couldn’t be myself.
The longer I stayed, the more constrained I felt by rules and things I had to do to appease the time requirements. I felt like I was paying an astronomical amount of money to be judged on what to believe, what to think, what to wear, what to do, where to eat, what grades to make, what to do in my free time and how I did all of those things.
I didn’t want to sacrifice my style nor my beliefs for a group of girls who were supposed to be my sisters and were supposed to be there to empower me and to support me. I decided I couldn’t be a part of a group where the sisterhood didn’t seem genuine and I wasn’t being empowered – where it was more about constraining me to the limitations rather than freeing me to get an education.
I want to be clear. My ultimate decision to leave does not reflect the sorority I dropped. Sororities are simply not for everyone and it certainly wasn’t right for me. But I wouldn’t change my experience.
In fact, I would encourage you to try out Greek Life if you’re curious because it’s sometimes the best time of people’s lives. And if it’s not, at least you know that you tried.
College is a journey, an experience that is your book to write and your photos to shoot. Don’t let anyone dictate what road you should take, what map to read or where to stop along the way. See things for yourself, and don’t take this time too seriously. College is short. Enjoy it.