In my senior year of high school, the main topic among my friends and I was our dorm rooms. We talked about our color schemes, the layout, and of course what we wanted in a roommate. I would go onto youtube and watch the horror stories, the heartwarming stories, and the videos giving tips and tricks to keep peace in a dorm room. For many people, dorming can be daunting. Leaving your familiar home and privacy behind and suddenly moving in with a stranger! Say goodbye to your own space and hello to compromising. But I’ve come to learn, it doesn’t have to be so gloomy!
My first dorm room was a forced triple. I was in constant contact with the girl I had chosen to room with and other was a stranger to both of us. It was a strange dynamic because the surprise roommate made no attempt to connect with us. We were all squished into a small dorm made for two and it fostered hostility between all of us throughout the first few weeks of the semester. I was miserable and scared of my life becoming those tragic roommate stories you always hear about.
Since I was an only child with a parent that respects my boundaries, I was unprepared for the lack of alone time and a space to call my own. While I wanted to study, my roommate would want to have friends over. When I left I locked the door. When they left they left it unlocked. We didn’t communicate on what we expected from one another and we were consistently passive aggressive to one another. In reality, we were just making a bad situation worse for one another.
It only took a few weeks for this arrangement to wear me thin. My mental health was deteriorating and my school work was suffering because loss of sleep and lack of concentration. My home away from home caused more discomfort than comfort, so I immediately talked to the Residential Hall Director for advice. A friend I made at orientation, Ashley, just recently had her roommate move out due to bad matching too, so I decided to request to move halls. Hardly a few days after my request to move, I got the green light to finally move from the horror room! As soon as I moved in with Ashley, my enjoyment of campus life skyrocketed. There is always a cautionary tale to not live with your friends, but my relationship with Ashley was formed on honesty, and we probably grew stronger friends due to the intimacy a shared room can bring. Our friendship was never negatively influenced by rooming with her. Although, I was very confused how we lived together so well.While she stayed up late, I went to bed fairly early. I liked popcorn and she couldn’t stand the scent of it. All the issues we had were minor, and we worked through them with a few compromises and talks here and there. We had a lot of laughs together and picked each other up when we were at our worsts. Returning home to see my best friend kept me going every day.
When you are close to your roommate you can confide in them when an assignment is getting too much, or binge watch YouTube videos with when you’re lonely. We have meals together almost every day and share I love you’s as much as you would with your family. Whenever I go home for breaks, I find myself calling my dorm home, something that never happened in my first dorm. When I had a break in my first dorm I didn’t miss my roommates, but now whenever I leave I miss hearing my roommate’s voice and sharing a laugh at a stupid meme one of us scrolls by online. I feel like I got very lucky.
I know that for some my situation is far from possible. Some advice I would give is to have open and honest conversations if something bothers you, but also keep into mind that some things aren’t avoidable. Like if your roommate has a loud alarm because they have trouble waking up you have to accept that. In addition, don’t be passive aggressive! It will get draining for you and it is unnecessary. Don’t expect your roommate to read your mind. If you have something to say, come out with it. Have a conversation and see both sides, instead of simply telling them what to do. Be respectful of differing views or habits between the two of you.
You won’t get forced to stay in a room you find uncomfortable. Do not be afraid to talk to your residential advisors and residential hall directors! They are there to help and make sure your life on campus goes as smooth as possible. If your campus does not have rooms open for you to move into, then look into a roommate contract! HER has an article written about roommate contracts that you can check out for more information if your school does not have a contract system set up. Even just a conversation without the written contract between your roommate(s) and a mediator could help turn a terrible situation into a more tolerable one.
You don’t have to be best friends, or even friends with your roommate. The only thing you have to do is be civil and respectful. Don’t give your roommate dirty looks or nag at them for every little detail. Acknowledge that they are a person, and that you probably do something that they aren’t particularly fond of too. You don’t have to go for meals with them and share all the same interests, but you have to respect each other’s space and boundaries.
I was lucky enough to score myself a roommate ‘love story’. Of course Ashley and I have our fights (because we are human) but we address issues in a healthy way. Our dorm is full of love, but it took my some time to reach it! Do not feel defeated if your first room isn’t perfect, with time you will find the right roommate for you. Be patient, communicate, and if all else fails, request for a room change!
HCXO,
Cierra