Sometimes, things are your fault. Period.
I hate to be that person, but I feel like the worst part about the people my age (or close to my age), is that accepting responsibility, especially in arguments, is a foreign concept. Instead of apologizing, we use phrases like “I’m sorry that you feel that way”, “I’m sorry that you are over reacting”, “Well maybe if you didn’t raise your voice at me, I wouldn’t have said something so mean to you. I’m sorry that you made me do that”.
It is so easy to see where others are coming from. Seriously. It is not hard to take a step back, and look at a situation and say, “Well maybe I did cross a line”, “Maybe I did make them feel bad”. Admitting this does not discount what they did to you, or how you feel either. It simply means you’re looking at the situation in its entirety—you’re trying to see where you went wrong, so that something similar doesn’t happen in the future. Your feelings are valid and matter, too, but so does the other person’s. It’s called trying to grow. Try it.
Maybe it’s just me, but “Sorry you feel that way” is not, and will never be, an apology. You’re not apologizing for what was said or done; you’re apologizing for the reaction it caused. As if you had no idea that your words or actions would warrant such an outcome from someone. That sort of apology, is not taking responsibility. Its brushing your actions under the rug and hoping the person won’t keep pressing the issue.
Taking responsibility for things looks along the lines of this—accepting your part in things. Look at what you said again. Look at your tone of voice. Look how you could have made the person feel. If it had been you, would you feel the same way?
Sometimes, it is that serious.