Hey there, collegiettes™! I’m Jess, a 21-year-old psychology student at the University of Oregon. My goal as a writer for Her Campus Oregon is to share with you my thoughts on a variety of topics including relationships, personal growth, beauty, and my everyday experiences in the beautiful, happening city (that’s being generous on three counts) of Eugene.
If you didn’t already know, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and UO is hosting a Sexual Violence Prevention Week from April 21 to April 29. Unfortunately, many people aren’tthat aware of the issue and how to support survivors. In light of these upcoming events, and because I myself am a supporter, I’ve decided to discuss sexual assault and abuse: what it is, how it feels for a survivor, and how to be a supporter.
What is the difference between sexual assault and sexual abuse?
These terms are often used interchangeably, and while many argue that sexual assault and abuse are one in the same, others would disagree. Sexual abuse describes any sort of sexual contact for which the victim is unable or unwilling to provide consent, while sexual assault describes relatively the same thing but also encompasses rape, which is essentially unwanted sexual penetration. That being said, I believe that there is no difference at all between sexual assault and sexual abuse survivors – if you are a survivor of either assault or abuse, however slight, you deserve to heal.
Surviving the Phases
I find that in order to be a supporter, it is essential to understand the fact that a survivor might experience a variety of emotions following sexual assault or abuse. Sadly, it can sometimes take years for a survivor to confront the fact that they have become victims. It’s no secret that survivors often feel embarrassed about sharing their experience, usually because they feel responsible in some way. They try to rationalize their abuser’s behavior, telling themselves things like, “Maybe it was my fault; I led him on,” or, “Maybe I should have been more clear about my boundaries.” In similar cases, they are silenced because they are afraid that others won’t believe them, that they are just being dramatic or looking for attention.
Sexual assault and abuse affects survivors emotionally in many ways. It is not uncommon to experience a shift in emotions following the incident or incidents from feelings of fear, depression, and anxiety to apathy and “seeming fine.” Some survivors even move through these shifts in a cyclical manner. Symptoms following sexual assault or abuse incidents are numerous, and while some survivors might display and experience many, others might not. Common symptoms include anxiety, depression, PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), apathy, lack of sexual drive, fear of sexual intimacy, and fear of emotional intimacy.
Supporting A Survivor
In my opinion, the most important part of supporting a survivor is to never invalidate their feelings or question the validity of their experience. In many cases, it takes a great amount of courage for survivors to break the silence and share their story. Sometimes people are skeptical as to whether or not someone coming forward is telling the truth, but it is essential that you support them regardless, because if they truly are a survivor, questioning them could shatter their courage and silence them again. It is also equally important to just listen, because sometimes all a survivor needs is for their story to be heard by someone they feel they can trust.
Take Back the Night at UO
Hosted by the ASUO Women’s Center, Take Back the Night will take place at the EMU Amphitheater on campus at 6:30pm on April 28th. According to the Women’s Center, “Take Back the Night is an international event during which survivors of sexual violence and their allies have an opportunity to rally together to protest continued sexual violence in their communities and around the world. It is a survivor-centered event that begins with a rally and march and ends with a speak-out.” This event is free, so please stop by or participate to show your support to survivors in Eugene or share your story!
Helpful Resources for Survivors and Supporters
For more information on sexual violence, try exploring these links:
Pandora’s Aquarium: an online forum where survivors and supporters can share their stories and offer advice.
UO Women’s Center Resources: the Women’s Center offers a list of emergency and crisis hotline contacts for issues of sexual violence.
S.W.A.T.: UO’s Sexual Wellness Advocacy team offers a variety of helpful resources and is a great way for survivors and supporters to get involved and make a difference on campus.
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Sources:
Pandora’s Project
Carol Boulware, MFT, Ph.D.