Living as an introvert in a world built by extroverts is exhausting, especially in college when everyone is just starting to grow accustomed to the rigor of the social world around us. It is more than valid to feel overwhelmed as a new college student, and introversion can often add to the stress. This isn’t because introversion is a bad thing; contrary to popular belief, introversion is proven time and time again to have its benefits. Instead, it is because introversion by nature makes the extroverted world of college life more difficult to adapt to. It’s tiring to hear the same advice over and over again, and there is no secret key to harnessing introversion. However, there are important mindsets and actions you can embrace to make your college experience everything you want it to be. Here is everything you actually need to know as an introvert going into college.
Recognize the reality
One of the most important things you can do for yourself is understand that the college experience is not all fun and games, no matter how much your favorite movies make it out to be. Socializing in college is difficult for many students, and making meaningful connections is even more so. Many college students struggle to make connections regardless of extroversion, so it is important to remember that being an introvert is not to blame for any setbacks you may be facing. Still, if it begins to feel as though your introversion is getting in the way of new friendships, it is helpful to take a step back and see the bigger picture. Introverts often get caught up in their thoughts, but recognizing the reality can make you feel more connected to your peers.
Dating Differently
Everyone always talks about dating culture in college, but it can be hard for introverts to put themselves out there. The classic culture of college dating may not be something many introverts feel comfortable with, and that’s okay. Everyone views relationships differently and it’s important to reflect and come to terms with your viewpoints and the fact they might differ from others, especially extroverts. It is also vital to hold true to yourself. When it comes to relationships, there is no room for falsities. At the end of the day, the intrinsic focus of being introverted is a strength that can be harnessed to focus on yourself, your goals and knowing your values in relationships. This will go such a long way when the dating scene feels rocky.
Harness your skills
College creates a time for you to develop career and life skills. Introverts excel in self-sufficiency, awareness and reflectiveness. Being naturally more observant, introverts’ openness to verbal and non-verbal cues allows them to develop more well-rounded opinions, working hand in hand with developing critical thinking and reflection. These skills can always be developed more, and college is the perfect time to lean into these skills and figure out how to use them to your advantage. No matter the public opinion on introversion, your skills are highly marketable and useful in the workplace and beyond.
Fake it till you make it
Sometimes you just have to play extrovert for the day. Whether there’s a party you’re going to, an upcoming job interview or even just making that unnecessarily scary phone call, sometimes acting like an extrovert can be exciting and beneficial for the situation you’re in. It can also help teach you valuable social skills and life lessons along the way while growing your perspective. Brian R. Little explored personalities and found that “free personality traits” are what allow introverts to act as extroverts when necessary. “Free personality traits” include confidence, public speaking and other traits that can be enacted when needed. Think of this as borrowing a specific trait that you don’t normally behave as. Trying these out is commonplace amongst introverts and can be the key to finding balance.
The Power of Saying Yes
This mindset will singlehandedly open you up to more opportunities. For introverts, it is common to turn down opportunities that seem too far outside of our comfort zones. It is easier to live in comfort than venture into the unknown, but committing to saying yes to those invites can force you into new situations that might surprise you. Make the commitment and let yourself engage in this experiment to say yes more. Think of it as a challenge if you’re competitive and need extra motivation to start, and the results just might shock you.
For any readers out there, I recommend Jessica Pan’s book “Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come: One Introvert’s Year of Saying Yes”. It tackles this very idea and details the social experiment of saying yes and the doors that open along the way.
Have your cake and eat it too
Introversion doesn’t go away, and despite popular opinion, it’s not something that should have to. Everyone faces challenges, and everyone can still have fun in college. There is a balance between introversion and pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone that is vital to find. You don’t need to give up your alone time and introspective values. You can have these things and learn how to enact extroversion when needed. No matter what negative stereotypes are out there about introversion, you can embrace balance, reap the rewards and lead a thriving life!
