Are You Too Nice?

After a leisurely read through the hottest new book, Nice is Just a Place in France, by The Becthes, I embraced “The End of the Nice Girl” chapter. (If you have not read this hilarious book you should invest immediately). Either you know this girl or you are this girl. All of us have crossed paths with the typical nice girl. She is the one who gets walked all over, takes the liberty of doing the whole group project without one complaint, picks up the extra slack, never asks for a raise, never speaks her mind, and thus, she does not get ahead. Lets evaluate this dilemma deeper …

“In order to earn respect you have to respect yourself.”

We’ve all most likely heard this from our parents (probably around the time after your dad spotted you wearing that super short denim skirt in 8th grade on your way to the “movies” and he began to curse the day you were born). In order to stop his daughter from veering off the path to success, he gave you the, “your body and mind are sacred” talk. Although, at the moment you may not have realized it, but he had a point. Respecting yourself and standing up for what you believe in are key to having others look to you in the same way you view yourself.  If you never go after what you want and take orders from others 100% of the the time, you can have fun living a stagnant life. (And let’s hope mini denim skirts never make a comeback.)

Why the passive aggressive one loses. 

If you think that being afraid of confrontation and never wanting to piss people off are a safe way to live, you are exactly right — it is a “safe” lifestyle. If you live this way 100% of the time, you will remain a bystander in every situation and no one will remember you, the girl who was too afraid to speak up for what she wanted to say. Now, no one is preaching that you throw out your filter and say every thought (bad & good) that comes to mind. However, it is important to speak up when otherwise, you would be walked all over. Bottom line, caddy gossip is for places like sorority houses or with your closest friends, but standing up for your beliefs is a daily necessity.

Tips for the nice girl:

• When talking to others, use their name frequently. People love hearing the sound of their own name and immediately will pay attention more. It is a fact.
• Stay humble. You can be a go-getter without being a b**** or bragging about material things and/or relationships. No one wants to hear about your trip to the Hamptons last summer and how you met the hottest guy … like, ever.
• If you’re afraid to stoke the fire in a confrontation, only speak when you are prepared with points you want to make. Don’t just babble because you have the right to free speech. Only give your two cents when you’re actually educated and knowledgeable about the topic, or risk looking dimwitted.

Keep these ideas and tips in mind and you’ll be on the fast track to overcoming the nice girl syndrome. But above all, remember that respect is key – for yourself and for others!