Valentine’s Day. I would say happy Valentine’s Day, but if it was happy, we’d all be done with situationships for good. Of course, I’m only kidding, as there are a million ways to have a great Valentine’sDayy, but now that it’s February, it’s time to have a serious debrief on the modern dating scene and finally address the issue (shoutout to everyone’s ex-situationships).
Valentine’s Day snuck up on us this year, and it might feel overwhelming. Don’t have a Valentine? Aren’t sure if your relationship is going anywhere? Recently single and unsure how to put yourself out there? I’ve heard all of these and more from friends in college; the horror stories of college dating seem endless. Imagine having to go to class after getting that dreaded text message from your situationship or witnessing public breakups and serenades in dorm halls back-to-back in just a day. I think it’s safe to say that college dating is a rollercoaster that sometimes takes off before you’ve even lowered the safety bar. Let’s face it—the dating world is crazy and confusing, and I personally think I’ve narrowed down what is single-handedly ruining the modern dating world: Situationships.
I’ll admit, this might be an extremely dramatic opinion, but you get the point. It can be exhausting never knowing where you stand with someone and whether or not things are progressing. If you’re tired of them, you’re not alone. College is stressful as is, so as far as I’m concerned, situationships are out in 2024.
What are situationships?
(If you find out, let me know.)
Like many, I have no clue. We all know what they are, but does anyone really know what they are? The best description is that the classic situationship fills the gap between the beginning “getting to know you” stages and the official relationship. Previous generations may have referred to this as the unofficially official couple, or being an item without actually being together. However, at some point along the way, the term situationship took popularity and it’s become a murky ground people get sucked into for extended periods of time. Psychologists have discussed this topic and explain it as attachments without the “security and exclusivity that comes with a defined relationship, leading to feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and guilt.” Feel free to send this explanation to your parents who are completely confused about your dating life.
How Situationships AFFECT your health
Psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD, says that these attachments can be more negative than most people would think since the downfall of situationships often shares similar characteristics to traditional breakups. The biggest difference between relationships and situationships is the undefined nature of situationships, which poses issues of its own. Dr. Albers discusses this, saying “Our brains really like clarity. They gravitate to black and white, so this gray area can be very hard to process and may even create anxiety.” This aspect of situationships makes it unique from a traditional relationship, as the unknown can cause extra fears and anxieties. Our brains just work this way, and it’s hard to escape. “The ambiguity can consume a lot of energy”, so avoiding situationships that go on for long periods of time with no labels attached may be the best for one or both parties involved. It’s vital to ask yourself, “What’s going to make me feel the best that I can feel?”
How to get out of situationships
Now that we have a better understanding of what situationships are and how they affect people, you might find yourself wondering how to get out of one. Dr. Albers sees “communication coming to a screeching halt” as a common but harmful way to end things. The lack of obligation may be why this is— if people don’t feel a sense of responsibility, they may not put effort into ending things the right way. If this happens to you, reaching out to friends or family for support can help express your feelings about this. If you find yourself being the one to call things off, Albers recommends clearly communicating the end of the situation. Situationships can feel tricky due to their ambiguous nature, but being straightforward is the best way to end things.
Look for meaningful relationships
It can be easy to stay in these situationships rather than be fully single since many people feel singleness is more lonely. However, it’s important to remember that cutting off bad situationships can actually give you more time and energy to not only focus on yourself but also fill your life with meaningful relationships, both platonic and romantic. There are people who will value you, communicate with you and carve time out of their schedules to spend time with you. If it is a romantic relationship you’re looking for, it’s important to know what your expectations are and hold onto them with everything you have. Don’t settle for a situationship that leaves you feeling undervalued and anxious. After all, relationships are meant to improve our overall happiness, so this is what you should aim for!
how to spend Valentine’s Day
At the end of the day, Valentine’s is about showing love to those in your life you care about. While it is hard to end bad situationships, it is important to remember that the rom-coms you might be watching with your friends don’t exactly represent real life, and if something is too difficult, it may be time to assess whether or not it adds to your happiness. Instead, you can spend the night with family or friends for a Galentine’s night. Don’t forget to treat yourself (after blocking your ex-situationship’s number, of course)! While having fun with the people you care about, this can be a happy Valentine’s Day, after all!
