I recently read this book, Sula, for one of my women’s studies class and it actually had a huge impact on myself and my life. I’m not going to summarize the whole book, but the main character, Sula, makes a lot of selfish decisions in her community, including sleeping with her best friend’s husband (I swear it’s not as horrible as it sounds), which leads people to really hate her. However, while Sula is making all these selfish decisions, she’s really making a lot of selfless actions as well. This caused me to think a lot about the negative opinions people have towards selfish people, specifically girls.Â
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I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a very selfish person. But does that make me a bad person? There are good selfish people in the world, and there are also bad selfish people in the world (I’m looking at you, Blair Waldorf). But there are also great selfless people, and some bad selfless people. Being selfish doesn’t always mean I’m screwing other people over or ruining other people’s lives, it just means I know what I deserve. I know my self-worth, as should all of you. Being selfish means I’m in control of my own life and I can make my own decisions. We all know what’s best for ourselves better than anyone else, except maybe our moms. And let’s be honest, we really can’t trust and rely on anyone else besides ourselves, okay except your mom (again). I’m selfish because I want to be a leader and I want to influence other women to do the same. Research actually shows that being selfish and taking care of yourself makes you a better person down the road. According to Bob Rosen, author of Grounded: How Leaders Stay Rooted in an Uncertain World, “When you take care of yourself, you show up as a healthy, grounded person in life.” I am all about self love and understanding and loving yourself before you go and try to love others. I think self love has a lot to do with bullying and the way we treat others.Â
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We need to be both selfish and selfess, each depends on the situation. Being a selfish person doesn’t mean I have to hurt or put down others, it means I can empower myself and hopefully the other people around me. I know so many people who are push overs and end up getting hurt in the end. There is nothing wrong with forgiving others and giving second chances, as long as those people change their actions, and you learn that you deserve better than that. But nowadays, with society, social media and our extremely abominable “dating” situations, we need to grow a backbone and stand up for ourselves and what we deserve. It seems like all society wants is for people to be fighting and throwing shade at each other. Selfishness is not a negative thing. We need to learn to love and do what’s best for ourselves. I’m selfish and I’m not sorry.Â
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