So… you’re two months into college and your first long-distance relationship. Maybe you’re fighting, or maybe you just miss them, but I’m here to tell you that it’ll all be okay! I started dating my boyfriend during our junior year of high school, and even though our colleges are over 300 miles and five hours apart, we didn’t want anything to change. If you feel similar, here’s a little bit of my story and advice on how to tackle college without your main support person physically next to you.
I very much have an anxious attachment style in relationships (and to make matters worse, my main love language is quality time and physical touch). So, naturally, I was extremely anxious to start a long-distance relationship. Everyone tried to convince me it was a bad idea, but I didn’t want to sacrifice my relationship for the sake of a conventional “college experience.” To me, there’s no one way to navigate your undergraduate years. If someone prefers to spend their weekends meeting new people at bars, that is great for them! Personally, I felt fulfilled with where I was and who I was with, and breaking things off didn’t feel right at that stage in my life.
Recognizing how much I relied on my partner and knowing that time apart would be an adjustment, we had an in-depth conversation to establish boundaries that would help keep us aligned with one another. This way, neither of us would feel blindsided when apart from each other. Given the numerous aspects of a long-distance relationship, I felt it was easiest to write out everything in advance.
Now, let’s dive into the key insights from my extensive preparation in my Notes app. After reading articles and watching videos on how to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship, I compiled a list of thoughts and boundaries I believe are essential.
1. Think about what causes the most strain in your relationship
Every relationship has its ups and downs, so it’s best to get ahead of it while together rather than feel the effects of it while apart.
2. If one of us felt uncomfortable with our relationship, did not feel the same as we did before or became attracted to someone else, we promised to call the other and tell them immediately.
This is a scary, but often necessary, rule within long-distance relationships. Ultimately, in relationships, we love our partners so much that we would sacrifice anything for them just to feel happy — even if it’s with someone else. Although that requires a hard talk, it will be better in the long run if you’re open and honest with one another about your feelings.
3. Ponder questions about your relationship
What makes you the most worried about the distance? What are some things you and your partner can do for one another to keep the romance alive while you’re apart? How can you improve your communication as a couple?
4. Expect the same from one another
This is the shortest but most important step; if you have unfair expectations, a disagreement is more likely to play out.
5. Work hard to resolve arguments quickly and never go to bed angry if a disagreement does play out
Even if it’s difficult, it is better to hash it out rather than hold a grudge in the morning. Arguments in a relationship are normal and even healthy, but working hard to overcome them shows that you truly care for and love one another.
6. Emphasize quality over quantity and embrace the little things!
You’ll both be so busy that you won’t be able to talk as much as you used to. Find free time every week to call or FaceTime (even if it’s just while you’re walking to class). Since you can’t talk to your partner 24/7, it’s also nice to send them small updates throughout the day so they can stay in the loop. Personally, my boyfriend and I love sending pictures of things we see that remind us of each other, our lunches or random selfies just to check in.
7. Always send a good morning and goodnight text
It means a lot in a relationship for your partner to know that you’re thinking of them during those prime hours of the day.
8. Always know the next time you’re going to see each other
Even if it’s not until your next break, visualizing the finish line will make getting through the race so much easier.
9. Reassure without reason
Especially when you’re far apart, it’s easy to get jealous or angry just because you miss them. Reassuring your partner, even if they don’t ask for it, is a genuine way to show you care and miss them, even with your busy schedule.
10. Introduce each other to your friends!
When you visit your partner, it’ll be nice to see a few other familiar faces. They should be friends with your friends, too.
11. Don’t hold each other back
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t have fun, go to parties or spend time with friends. If you feel like you can’t do what you enjoy because your partner will be upset, you should rethink your relationship and discuss what you both need and want.
Long-distance relationships are hard work, but if both partners respect and love one another enough to do it, it is worth it in the long run. And remember, you’re not alone! If you’re feeling uneasy about something in your relationship, there’s a good chance your partner feels the same, too. Open communication and trust are important in every relationship, especially a long-distance one. The more open you are with one another, the stronger your relationship will be!