I want to say two things before the article:
1. You may not agree with what I say, and it’s totally fine. This article is just my own thoughts
2. If you are a boy from my past and think this article is about you—then it probably is.
I really enjoyed writing the previous two articles about boys and relationships. As a big fan of “Sex and the City,” I couldn’t help thinking of the idea to write articles about boys, relationships and love lives just like Carrie. Why not be an amateur Carrie Bradshaw? This week I want to talk about a very difficult topic—long distance relationships.
Personally, I’ve been in a long distance relationship that lasted almost two years. For the first time, I actually don’t really want to talk about my past relationships because we had a fantastic time together, and it was neither of our faults that this ended. We made the relationship official after graduating from high school. After that summer break, he went to another city for college while I was staying in Beijing (that’s where I’m from) to prepare for my SAT and language test. That was when our long distance relationship started. Then, I came here, and he stayed in China. We broke up approximately two months after I came to OSU. I will talk about why we broke up later in the article.
Here are something tips/advice I learned from my past long distance relationship:
Be prepared for the difficulties
It is going be hard for sure. You may have to work twice as hard as you did before. There will be hard times and fights—it’s almost impossible to avoid these unpleasant things, no matter how hard you try. Back to that time, I would be mad at him almost once a month because of some small things. Physical distance may make every small thing big enough to have a fight. Be honest about your feelings, be open and face those difficulties together. Sometimes it’s not really anyone’s fault that causes those problem.Â
Trust your partner
Being unsure and asking your partner how they are doing all the time won’t help. When we’re apart from each other or have limited exposure to the other person, it’s easy for us to start to make all sorts of guesses that are usually exaggerated or untrue. I was an unsure person, but I still tried my best to trust him and that really made everything a little easier. However, this of course doesn’t mean that you should blindly trust the other person, especially when something wrong (ex. cheating) already happened.Â
Make rules about communication
Communication is crucial to any kind of relationship, but especially to long distance relationships since you two can’t be together very often. A lot of misunderstandings happen due to the lack of communication. Having “FaceTime/Skype date rules” is a good way to deal with the problem. However, don’t have any rule that makes you feel like you have to communicate. The rule should be kind of flexible and neither of you has to change your schedule a lot for the rule. I always think we did a pretty good job on this. We had a rule to FaceTime at least twice a week and it worked well.Â
The distance can’t always be there
Let me be honest, only love is not enough for any relationship. Visits are highlights of a long distance relationship. During that time, we would travel together during almost every small break. Two people usually won’t just be “Happy Ever After” when they haven’t seen each other for years. Long distance relationships only work when two people are willing to spend money and time to meet once in a while. Also, every couple in a long distance relationship needs to have a big picture in mind. No one can be in a long distance relationship forever—things need to be stable eventually. Not having a plan of our future led to the end of my long distance relationship. One month after we broke up, he told me that he decided to end this relationship because (he felt that) he was not in my future. In fact, he indeed was in my future plan. We just never talked about our future or when and where we will settle down.Â
A long distance relationship is not an impossible thing like a perpetual motion machine (well, maybe this will be possible in the future, who knows). It requires a lot of sacrifice, but it can work for some people.
You are LOVED by this world
-Mia (Instagram: miastylebook)
Photo by Sweet Ice Cream Photography on Unsplash
Cover Photo by João Silas on Unsplash