I turn 22 this week and even though I am still young, I feel that I’ve been able to learn a lot in these years on Earth. With that being said, I would like to share them if you’re a young woman coming out of high school and just starting into adulthood or maybe just an individual feeling like they don’t know what they’re doing in their 20s.
Important Note:
“TW” will be listed on some numbers, if there are sensitive subjects mentioned
1. Don’t Feel Rushed to Start College After Graduating High School:
The timeline is only a few months between a high school graduation and when a fall college semester starts. With that being said, many people believe they have to start college right away and know what they want to do with their life, however, that is not true. You don’t have to start college in August or right away, but even if you do, you don’t exactly have to know what you want to do. Some people often will start with just general studies courses, but you can also take elective courses that can broaden what you might be interested in. Don’t feel rushed to know what you want to do. Gap years are also ways to not feel rushed as it give you time to explore adulthood for the first time before going into a school setting again.
2. You Don’t Have to Go to College to be Successful:
Going along a little bit with the first point, going to college doesn’t always have to be an option to succeed or what you want to do with your career. Again, some might feel rushed, when in reality some people don’t always need college to successfully get into a career they like. When I was growing up I noticed it was often frowned upon not to go to higher education after high school, but it shouldn’t be. There are other options such as trade, starting your own business, and more. Going to school is also an expense in itself, so we should not judge one’s path on whether to go to school or not.
3. No Matter What Institution You Go to, You Still Have a Valid Education as the Next:
I know that the two lessons before have been based on what society feels in terms of higher education, but this one is also important to note and it’s something I’ve had a lot of thoughts about. For example, the debate of whether you go to community college compared to a four-year institution. When I transferred from community college to a four-year, I felt a little behind from some others. This wasn’t because of my own academic skills, but how others perceived community college, even though I still had taken the same courses as everyone else just at a different institution. A semester into that four year, I transferred again to a smaller university. I again felt different, but this time it was more internalized. I felt for a long time because my new university was smaller that it must have been in a lower education, but in the end, I still have the same education as I did at the last institution. So, no matter where you go, don’t feel invalidated for just paying a different tuition price or going to a smaller institution.
4. Do Not Be Afraid to Leave Home:
When I graduated from high school, I moved three hours away from college. I knew no one going into my dorm or campus, and although I was nervous I recommended everyone to do so. I was from a small town, but even if you come from a big area, moving away from an area you’ve been comfortable with can help you grow as an individual. Even if you move out on your own if you’re not going to college, leaving home allows you to gain some of those first steps into independence and allows you to expand your mindset on culture, communication, and more.
5. Decisions Can Change:
Number five is such an important thing I learned while growing up. From early in my life I used to dream of being in the performing arts, but as soon as I got into my last years of high school I slowly changed. I ended up going to school for journalism, but even a few years later almost lost interest in it and luckily double majored to pursue English, now in route to be a teacher. When I graduated from my community college, I moved to a university near New York City as it was always my dream, just to leave a semester later. I tell you these two experiences because decisions change as life goes on and that is okay. Sometimes it can result in taking more time to pursue something or more travel, but in the end, accepting your decisions to change will allow you to live for the better.
6. The Friends You Make Will Change Along the Way:
When I came to college, I again didn’t know anyone but was able to make friends with people right away. Though today some of those people I don’t talk to. Sometimes there was falling out, but for the most part, we all just went to live our separate lives. I mean my freshman year alone, I now only talk with a few people, but most of us went to fulfill different paths. Some people I knew moved across the country, others started families or left college and pursued something that was better for them. The same can go for high school graduates, even if you’ve known them for years, sometimes people just grow apart and that is okay.
7. It’s Okay to Decide to Distance People:
Whether it be family or friends, sometimes we might be better when we distance ourselves from others. A lot of people grow up being told to not shut people out of their lives and to move past things. However, in reality, if you keep people around that are not helping you become the best version of yourself whether that be a toxic family member or one-sided friendship, you will miss out on healthier relationships and opportunities.
8. Don’t Rush into Relationships and Don’t Feel Like You Need to Make Milestones:
Relationships are something that many often start through high school and into the real world. Though relationships are different for everybody, society might make you feel like you need to be in one or feel like you are in one to make certain milestones with your partner. However, that is far from the truth. First, coming into adulthood is already a lot, as it can take some time to find who you are, what you like to do, and what you want for your future, so a relationship shouldn’t always be your first priority over yourself. Same with if you are in a relationship, don’t feel rushed to take it to further steps, getting engaged, or even starting a family until you and your partner are comfortable. Even though your grandparents might urge you to pop the question or bring a grandchild into the world, this is your life. Overall though, my best advice is to find yourself first, then start to lean into getting serious with someone, and there is no timeline you have to meet for that.
9. Break-Ups Will be Hard, But They Never Were Going to be a Happy Ending, Remember That (TW – Speaks on Toxic Relationships):
I learned this lesson with my first serious relationship in college. The situation was very toxic, but I stayed because I was still in love with the individual and didn’t know how they would react to parting ways. After some time, we ended things and went no contact, which was the best thing to come out of it. Looking back now out of the relationship, I wish I could have ended things sooner, but I was worried about a negative reaction from them, given how I knew they usually react. Even though there really isn’t a positive way or happy ending when ending things with someone. However just remember, time will pass. In the moment breaking up with someone will not be great, but it was not your person and you have to just keep moving forward to find the right one.
10. Don’t Expect Things to Be Given, But When They Do Be Thankful:
This could be in a friendship, relationship, or even peer setting. Many times we might hear that things should be 50/50, if you give a gift they should give you one back, but in reality, no one owes anyone anything. Now I know it might be confusing given I’ve put in friendships and relationships, but really sometimes when we believe someone owes us something back, we don’t think about what we already have. It almost becomes like a game of back and forth or holding things over one another’s heads, but can also happen with a lack of communication. Like love languages or just what you can do for someone, might be different from what they can do for you. That’s why when someone does a favor, gives you something, or takes you somewhere you should still be grateful, and give thanks. I think too, when we see this mindset it helps a lot with seeing what life has always provided us and also helps prevent how we might feel or react in situations.
11. Stuff Happens You Can’t Control, But You Can Control How You Go Forward:
I think when “crap” happens in our life, it is good to always give yourself time to process it, however, you cannot let it keep you down forever. Now I’m not saying to just move on quickly from something, but if you don’t choose to process and become aware of how you feel regarding it, you will stay in a certain headspace. For example, a break up; take time to process it, but don’t feel nervous to go on a date with someone for the rest of your life. Moving forward after trauma can also be a part of this, but can be a very delicate situation that depends on the individual themselves to decide on how to move forward.
12. It’s Okay to Ask for Help or See Someone (TW – Talks of Mental Health):
This lesson ties into lesson 11, but it is true that it is alright to ask for help or see someone over a situation to what you are feeling/going through. I think when we are coming into adulthood, we might think asking for help, talking to a therapist, or seeking treatment is too much for young people or just should be kept private. Although you don’t have to publicly share to the world your struggles, it might help to talk to someone about how to help manage how you feel. Sometimes this can be hard because even with counseling or treatments it can add up in expenses pretty quickly, but there are programs too that might help out or online discussions that you can anonymously talk through to be heard. Also finding a close support system such as friends or family members can help out and help you get back up. Though at the end of the day, mental health is a high priority, especially now that you are just starting your life, don’t try to just push it aside.
13. Wear What You Would Like and The Aspect of Materialistic Items is Outdated:
Clothing, accessories, shoes; are all forms of expression. However, sometimes whatever we wear can be judged by others. Maybe it’s how some judge one another based on off-brand items, opposite styles from their own, or just not being up to date, but a piece of fabric or wearable item should not define someone and someone shouldn’t judge them on that. Especially today, materialistic items are still a huge part of growing up; for society, it can determine your social status, but as you get older you learn it’s not important. Social media tends to still add on the social status ideal today with influencers and promoting items, but really, no one is better over someone else for having a pair of UGGs or a Stanley. As well as this ideal, it also sometimes shuts out expressions for people wanting to discover their own style. At the end of the day, don’t care what people think of what you wear, and don’t judge others for their own style.
14. Your Body is Beautiful (TW – Talking about Body Image Issues):
Going off of wearing what you want, and learning to love your body is something you learn to do more as you get older. I used to be known as a “bigger girl,” as an insult, but I honestly don’t care anymore as I’ve grown older. Your body is fine just the way it is and oftentimes when we judge another, we are just not happy within ourselves. So, be thankful for your body; it has grown with you since the beginning and will take you to where you go throughout your whole lifetime. This also goes with how we treat our body in terms of nourishing it. We often judge ourselves for what we might eat when in reality we are just giving ourselves fuel and nutrients to go on with our day. It can be a hard process, but learning to love your body is a beautiful thing to come to do.
15. Don’t Allow Others to Tear Your Hobbies Down:
Whether it be a series, a music group, or a thing you participate in often, don’t allow others to bring you down over it. Hobbies, especially in adult life, are so important, as they can help us gain a wider social circle and give ourselves time outside of work or school for our own interests. As well as the last lesson, when we are judged upon our interests or hobbies, the individual themselves might be struggling internally with themselves and taking it out on our happiness.
16. Don’t Feel Like You’re Too Old for Something:
As we grow into adulthood, feeling like we might be too old for something is common, but don’t let that stop you from doing things you like. When I moved to my university after transferring, I saw there was a dance club. I hadn’t been a part of dance since I was seventeen, I was now twenty-one years old. The old me might believe I couldn’t join it, but the present me decided to sign up and I was able to have a love for dance again and make new friends. In the end, you are never too old to do something, especially something that provides you with a form of happiness. Especially the time of being a young adult, finding small moments like this can help with stress and other things you might be tackling on a daily basis.
17. Post What You Want, but Don’t Be Obsessed with Your Phone and Socials:
Don’t feel like you have to fit a certain aesthetic or filter to post, hold the freedom to post what you would like. Especially since it is your own social media, you can do what you would like. On that note, don’t feed into becoming so obsessed with numbers, likes, shares, comments, and views in general. We tend to do this, some might delete something if it doesn’t come up to a good amount or delete something over a hate comment. However, when we do this, we become so dependent on social media and the views of others. It is also good to distance yourself from so much phone usage as it can detach us from experiencing nature, events, and communication with others face to face. So, it can be a fun tool to share your memories or interests, but at the end of the day, it is a small device that isn’t as important as experiencing life.
18. Learn to Take Accountability:
This is something I hope many read. Mostly because we might be naive about how we see ourselves growing up. While you may have changed, you should still be able to be aware or take acknowledgment of who you were or are. Some might rely on ego, but in the end, if you do you won’t gain people in your circle and will lose trust. Accountability is also a social skill that will help in the long run in terms of how you go about in your career, relationships, friendships, economic decisions, and more. Everyone is flawed, so just learn to acknowledge it instead of a paused state.
19. Don’t Give Into Peer Pressure, in the End, Are You Really Winning? (TW -Issues on Addiction):
You might have had friends introduce you to situations, drinks, or smoking. Though you are an adult and can make your own decisions, think wisely about your answers and actions to them. Living as a young adult, you might be experimental, but you also have to be careful. If you’re not ready for something or don’t feel comfortable, do not take part in it, even if you feel bad or out of place for not doing so. This also applies if you aren’t in the mood for it, as this can end up sending you down the wrong path and even lead you to things such as addiction. In my experience, I usually was pretty good about saying no with peer pressure, but it can be easy to fall through the cracks. So, try to be careful, but also talk to someone if you are in a position where you feel like you can’t say no. As for friends or family that you know that might struggle with this, be a helping hand, but remember to stay in a healthy distance as it can affect you too.
20. A Bad Grade or Bad Day Isn’t Lifelong (TW – Talks of Depression):
As a girl who grew up with anxiety and has been depressed, a bad grade and a bad day can make you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom and can’t get up. Especially if it happens for a little bit or one after another, it can feel like forever. From instances of not being able to get out of bed, not brushing your teeth, a piling-up messy room, and not being able to talk about issues with friends, it can feel like you can’t get out. However, what I try to remember is it is temporary. Maybe I didn’t study well or maybe just have been having stressful or emotional situations back to back, but I know that I made it through that experience and that it will not matter later. Life is like a roller coaster essentially: we might have a big drop, but there will be a ride back up soon enough.
21. Gain Patience and respect, and Leave the Drama:
Gaining patience and respect for others is also key to living a good life and is a good lesson for young adults. Especially in times when we might disagree on politics, family decisions, and other sides. When we learn to gain the patience to listen to others even if we disagree, we earn their respect, which will hopefully also equal them giving us the same. When we also choose to listen, it can lower or take away any drama that could appear and bond us better in communication. Though leaving drama is also something you learn to come to. If you stay in the gossip, even if you feel entertained, you won’t grow as a person and also will lower trust with others. So in general, just be kind to one another and life will allow you to grow in many ways.
22. Life is Too Short to Take for Granted:
Finally, my last lesson is to wake up and be thankful, do the things you want to do, and take risks. Spend your money, but do it somewhat responsibly. Move across the country, transfer schools, change careers. At the end of the day, this is your life, you only get one chance at it, so don’t take it for granted.