The Best:
- Kit Kats
All hail the glorious creation that is the Kit Kat. Also, I don’t usually go for any fancy variations of candies (I’m looking at you, White Creme Reese’s), but I’ve always had a soft spot for those orange Halloween version Kit Kats! And shoutout to that one house in my neighborhood that hands out the WHOPPING king sizes of these bad boys every year – you are doing God’s work.
- Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
If you have any ill will towards this classic, don’t talk to me – period. It’s peanut butter and chocolate, how could you not like that? From bite-size to the big boys, Reese’s has been one of the most superior candies of all. But let’s be real, the cups are really the only way to go (again, war and hate to those White Creme cups).
- Almond Joys/Mounds
Growing up, I always just referred my attention to Mounds because I hated nuts. But as my palette has become more ~refined~ with time, I have grown to appreciate the humble almond. Creamy coconut, crunchy almonds, and a generous coating of chocolate – all of the above makes Almond Joys one of my go-to candies for the Halloween season.
- Peanut M&Ms
Gas – they are simply gas. These movie theater staples hit real hard on Halloween night (or really just any night). Regular M&Ms are alright, but it’s just kinda meh – just little circles of chocolate that melt all over. But the peanut ones? With that nutty crunch covered in chocolate? Forget about it.
- Twix
Always the crowd pleaser, Twix is that one candy that everybody loves. With a crisp cookie center coated in caramel and chocolate, what’s not to love? This candy transcends the Halloween season – I always have the fun-size ones in a little dish on my desk (sighs). I don’t care if they’re “Left” or “Right,” just hand them over.
The Worst:
- Tootsie Rolls
Tootsie Rolls – the bane of my existence. Imagine trucking from house to house as a kid, in cold weather and an itchy costume – working your little butt off trying to earn some candy…and all you get are a couple of these suckers. Hard as a rock that is enough to break your teeth, they don’t even taste like real chocolate. If you’re thinking about handing Tootsie Rolls out this Halloween, do a public service for everybody and just DON’T.
- Candy Corn
This is the heavily controversial “classic” candy, and I am on the side that it is the literal Halloween version of fruitcake. I CANNOT deal with that waxy, yet unexplainable grainy texture when you chew it (dry heaves). And plus, what is even the flavor of candy corn – orange and yellow? How is that a flavor??
- Dots
Never liked them back then, still hate ‘em now. These glorified gumdrops are just a waste of time – they only have like FOUR of these things in a box. Fun fact: DOTS is actually an acronym for “Don’t Open, They Suck.” Stop being cheap and give the kids what they want – real candy.
- Lollipops
Don’t get me wrong, I love those little surprise DumDums every once in a while. But when you’re looking at your Halloween bag (or pillowcase, as we used when we were kids) and compare a giant chocolate bar to a measly Tootsie Pop – c’mon, the choice is obvious.
- Pixy Stixs
You are literally drinking Splenda from a wrapper. Enough said.