To celebrate Coming Out Day 2021, Her Campus partnered with Pride this past week for our annual roundtable. Below are the experiences of our LGBTQIA+ students in coming out, and their general thoughts about what coming out is and what it means to them.
Shannon, she/her
Hello, I’m Shannon and I’m a Senior English major. I’ve lived both here in Oswego and downstate in Queens. My coming out journey has been long and often a battle with myself. I realized I was bisexual was I was 14, but I came out and then immediately went back in. I did this on and off for a while until I really settled into feeling comfortable being bisexual around 16/17. I really had taken a moral stand against coming out at the time as I felt like it was something gay people shouldn’t have to do if straight people didn’t. Eventually, I got tired of people in my family assuming I was straight. I came out “officially” in a Facebook post a few years ago — everyone was very supportive.
I think the hardest thing about coming out was coming out to myself. I went back in the closet because I was so confused if being bisexual was “right” for me despite knowing I felt that way. The societal pressure of what being a part of the LGBT community was or what being bisexual was “supposed” to be was sometimes too overwhelming for me as a teenager, and it felt like as a society we were constantly shifting because of the conversations that were starting on the internet. That, coupled with the homophobia/biphobia made it hard for me to accept myself. I was never too concerned about other people accepting me, but myself was the most important opinion. I’m really so grateful for Coming Out Day as I think our culture shifts from traditionally what coming out has looked like to now being a much more nuanced perspective.
Ky, he/they
Hey, I’m Ky! I’m from Wales, UK, and I am a freshman here at Oswego studying software engineering. My family moved to America a little over 5 years ago, originally in Arkansas but now just relocated to Oklahmoa (I haven’t been or seen our new house yet, I’m saving it as a surprise for when I visit during the Winter). My coming out experience has been generally good despite my previous environments. All of my friends accepted me for who I was, and I was never severely bullied because of how I identified. However, it also wasn’t the greatest time for my identity, which is kind of ironic since coming out basically voices a part of your identity. I got so caught up in the stereotypes, that I was too focused on who I wasn’t rather than who I was. Don’t base your ‘new identity’ on worthless and harmful stereotypes or images that people paint of you; be who you are and don’t let anyone decide for you. Coming out isn’t meant to help everyone else know who you are; it’s meant to help you find out who you, yourself, are.
For anyone that’s still closeted, come out when you are ready, but know that there are plenty of people that can help, even if they are all virtual. Happy National Coming Out Day!!!
https://www.glaad.org/resourcelist
Tristan, he/him
My name is Tristan and I am from Rochester, NY and I am a sophomore here at SUNY Oswego studying Zoology with a minor in Anthropology. My coming out story was probably a lot easier than others. I was of course scared to come out because of fear of judgement or being rejected. But most of my family supported me. The only unfortunate thing was my mother outed me to my father and her friends. At the time I was unaware my twin brother was also gay, but he was more scared to come out due to his mental health, so he sort of let me have the spot light at the time. I quickly started going to pride events and learning what the community was all about!
Sam she/her
Hello! My name is Sam and I’m a sophomore double majoring in Creative Writing and Cinema and Screen Studies. I came out as a lesbian when I was 13/14 (it was a process). Fortunately, for the most part, I was supported and accepted by my friends and family. However, what I didn’t realize then was that coming out isn’t a one and done deal, and it took me a while to be comfortable telling new people for fear of ruining a new friendship. There definitely are still moments but it definitely gets easier over time, and I’ve gotten to a point now where I feel comfortable enough within myself to not let that fear get to me. On that same note, it’s important to remember that you don’t need to present a certain way to identify with a certain label. That took me a long time to realize and has certainly helped me in becoming more confident with myself.
I’m glad we have coming out day to celebrate our wonderful community. And to those still closeted, don’t feel pressured to come out if you’re not ready. Coming out is such a personal journey and should happen on your own time.
Olivia, she/they
Hey, my name’s Olivia and I’m a Creative Writing major! I wouldn’t say I ever “came out” in the traditional sense, but I realized and have been open about being a lesbian since I was 12. Before that I thought I was ace, and then bi, so for me “coming out” has just been a continuous discussion with myself and with my loved ones as I’ve worked through what really fits. I grew up in a very accepting household, with very accepting friends, and due to being Unitarian Universalist, a very accepting religious community, so I wasn’t too concerned with how those around me would respond as I began to question my sexuality. It’s always been very natural for me and the people in my life to talk about sexuality without it being a big thing, and this is something I’m quite grateful for. As I’ve grown up and met more people I’ve of course had to inform people of my sexuality for them to know it, but as with my family and old friends, I prefer to keep it casual. I usually just mention crushes, tell anecdotes involving girls and nonbinary people I’ve liked, or if the situation allows I slip it into a joke.
Being casual in how I “come out” but loud and proud in my daily life has been what’s best for me, but I hope that all queer people that wish to come out are able to do it in the way that’s best for them, whether that’s a big declaration, a post on social media, sitting down to tell the important people in your life, or waiting until it comes up naturally. Have a happy Coming Out Day, whatever that entails for you!
