My past self sits in the next room over,Â
just through the open doorway.Â
Somehow I stand at the threshold,
my feet, boards, amongst the wooden floors,Â
unable to be pried up. My eyes burn
as if my tears have dried up, butÂ
the pool behind them is still full.Â
I want to drown that room in them,Â
throw bucket after bucket in,Â
hauling out my own sinking ship
until she can swimÂ
and float over within my reach.Â
I would clutch her cold armsÂ
and pull her to my heart,Â
holding her to me
like a newborn baby.
As though she may just
slip away, like the past year hasÂ
dissipated into a space in my head.Â
There are no memories there,Â
only the sudden realization thatÂ
I am someone new.
Who I was sits in that empty room.
I am no longer her,Â
but she has become me,Â
but still I cannot seeÂ
how that came to be.
It all feels like some dreamÂ
that I wake up remembering,Â
but as soon as I rise from bed,
it’s gone just as quickly.Â
Where did the past year go,Â
and how can I ever knowÂ
that I will be okay?