For reality TV junkies such as myself, “The Real Housewives” is that franchise – the one that either drew you into this messy genre, or hooked you in for life. What makes these shows so freaking interesting is the women themselves: frivolous, bizarre, hilarious, and simply iconic characters that make for great television. Find out below which of these ‘Real Housewives’ aligns with your own zodiac sign!
Aries: Bethenny Frankel (RHONY):
One word: ambition. You dream of running your own business and taking your chosen industry by storm. Driven by motivation, success is your middle name and you don’t need approval from no one. Like Queen B herself, you are a know-it-all, you literally know it all.
Taurus: Vicki Gunvalson (RHOC):
Taurus prides themselves on being original, so the OG of the OC is your perfect match! Like Vicki, “work hard, play hard” is your motto and your ~soulmate sisters~ will always back you up. You WILL get that family van because there is nothing that will stand in your way. #whoopitup.
Gemini: Tamra Judge (RHOC):
Double talker Gemini will find their spirit housewife in Miss Tamra Judge, another fellow OC housewife! An expert communicator, you liven up any room you walk into with your quips because THAT’S YOUR OPINION! From time to time you might be accused of stirring the pot a little, but hey – who else is going to keep life interesting? Just try not to get anyone “naked waisted.”
Cancer: Tinsley Mortimer (RHONY):
Sweet Cancer, you and Tinsley share a heart of gold (and possibly a mugshot). Having the perfect life filled with people you love is your ultimate dream, but don’t get caught up in the whirlwind of attaining perfection – otherwise you might find yourself crying in a clown costume. People may think you’re a bit of a crybaby, but let’s be real – you aren’t trying to ruin those lashes.
Leo: Kenya Moore (RHOA):
Let’s be real, Leo – you and Kenya have the same MO: living your most fabulous, shadiest life. You were born an icon and you will do anything to stay in the limelight. Leos are known to overdo themselves and go full force at whatever they do, but take some advice from Kenya herself on how to handle the haters: “don’t come for me unless I send for you.” You’re GONE WITH THE FABULOUS, OKAY?
Virgo: Heather Dubrow (RHOC):
Dear Virgo, you are the epitome of class and sophistication like Heather. Deeply analytical and thoughtful, to you there’s a definite right and wrong way of getting things done. Some may say you’re a little pretentious, but you can’t help having high standards for yourself and others. Like who eats the bow off of your freaking cake? Champs, please.
Libra: Ramona Singer (RHONY):
Please don’t come for me Libras, hear me out. Yes, Ramona doesn’t play nice like a traditional Libra, but no one can deny that Singer loves to mingle and socialize (she has 50 friends!) Extroverted and confident, it’s always ~Turtle Time~ in your book. Plus, Libras are always ready for quick repartee, so get ready for those “Singer Stingers”!
Scorpio: Danielle Staub (RHONJ):
Scorpios can find a kindred spirit in the Bravo legend that is Danielle Staub. Both of you have mysterious auras and like to keep it that way. Definitely misunderstood, people tend to spread rumours about your past (ex. being engaged 19 times, beating someone with a 9mm pistol – y’know, just girly things). However, you know who you are and in the end, “you’re either gonna love me or hate me, there’s no in between with me.” Iconic.
Sagittarius: Sonja Morgan (RHONY):
You used to party with John John Kennedy and Madonna ALL THE TIME. Just kidding, but really though – you are the life and soul of any party. Working the room and keeping the atmosphere light and fun is your forte. The walk of shame is more like a victory lap for you, honey. Remember, never touch the f****** Morgan letters!
Capricorn: Lisa Vanderpump (RHOBH)
You are the cool, level-headed QUEEN of diamonds. With the most successful spinoff show on Bravo, multiple award-winning restaurants, and a MENAGERIE of pets – take notes from Lisa on how it’s done. Not only business-savvy, Caps like Lisa are extremely generous and want to give back to the world. Saving puppies > everything else.
Aquarius: Karen Huger (RHOP):
Dear Aquarius, only you could identify with none other than the Grand Dame of Potomac. Blunt, fiercely independent, and takes shit from no one – you and Karen are two peas in a pod. It may seem like you and Miss Karen are in another realm, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Remember, Aquarians are known to find success from their ingenious ideas – and like the Grand Dame said herself: “You gotta make millions to own millions.” Period.
Pisces: Allison Dubois (RHOBH):
I’M SORRY I HAD TO. There is literally no one on her level, and she is a textbook Pisces through and through. Both you and Allison are extremely intuitive, sharing an uncanny gift for reading into people’s emotions. Maybe just work on the delivery a little more, i.e. don’t tell people when they’re going to die or that their husband will never emotionally fulfill them. And most importantly, NEVER forget the legendary, mysteriously vanished Allison Dubois.