Around early February, my friends spontaneously planned an ice skating trip for some winter fun. Knowing that I’m nowhere near Olympic level, or even decent for that matter, I originally protested the idea since I foresaw myself falling on my butt the entire time. However, I needed the downtime to blow off steam, and my friends were more than willing to teach me how to skate, so I eventually caved in.
To be honest, I’m a very anxious person and conscious of every move I make; which sometimes leads me to feel like all eyes are on me in the most unwanted and uncomfortable way possible. Agreeing to this activity was a big jump in itself, since it basically meant agreeing to public embarrassment. As predicted, the minute my skates hit the ice I immediately grasped on to the side railing for safety, as my experienced friends skated circles around me. I couldn’t blame them since they were there to have fun, not to babysit me.
Gripping on to the edge of the rink screamed anxiety more than fun, but it was what I was limited to. Feet trembling and my right hand cramping from harsh grasping, I was bound to the rink’s circumference, along with the other inexperienced ice skaters. If I wasn’t trying to keep my balance, I was observing other skaters who dominated the ice. From what I noticed, they contained different levels of confidence. Imagine a target with a center and rings extending outwards to the edge, the edge of the target is inexperienced skaters clenching on to the edge of the rink. To some, this is the most skating they can accomplish. Those farther from the edge but closer to the center are the experienced skaters that range from trained staff to casual skaters. In either instance, they know how to navigate the ice with some additional pizzazz. Lastly, the center of the target is the fearless. This doesn’t entirely mean that this section contained professional skaters, but rather those who skated non-stop. This area mainly contains children who skate to their heart’s desire, and without a care in the world about the bruises that would come from skating recklessly. In short, they just wanted to skate, whether or not the ice was in their favor.
I admired the energy and purity the children had when confronting obstacles as simple as ice skating, which they tackled with courage and without fear of consequences or judgement. However, learning something new takes patience to understand and familiarize yourself, so I knew it would take time before I would end up in the center where I would skate with courage. With the help of my friends, this became a pretty achievable obstacle in the matter of a few hours. There were many times that I fell on my knees and bottom that resulted in bruises, but I anticipated these mishaps so I could better improve my technique. In a matter of hours, I learned the basics of ice skating and adjusted accordingly to which methods worked best for me. Sure, I didn’t skate perfectly but, I was able to skate from one end of the rink to the other, and to the center where my friends and I skated in circles for hours, until closing.
To make a long story short, this experience was meant to be nothing more than leisure time but, it actually revealed a lot. For years, I’ve been discouraged to try new things and/or overcome unfamiliar obstacles because of anxiety-related factors. I’d either feel too incompetent to even bother trying, or too scared to make a mistake in the learning process. I was afraid so of embarrassment, especially in the public eye.
At twenty years old, I had to bring myself back to basics and think like a child again to go for it with all my might. When you want to achieve something, you know there will be an obstacle or two that may get in your way. What’s important is getting back up after the falls; learning what went wrong to adjust accordingly. It’s part of the ice rink of life, that we cling to the edge with thoughts of fear and doubt that prevent us from taking a chance to glide with ease. Slips and falls are guaranteed, but it’s part of the experience which makes it fulfilling to reflect on how far from the edge you’ve made it!