The title of this article makes it seem like thousands of others out there just like it, and maybe I’m naïve in my thinking that this one is different (because it’s mine, because I put this together so carefully), but I’ve been compiling some wisdom over the past couple of years that I’d like to share. I’ve been alive for 21 years, which is many more than some of us get, and I’ve learned so much about myself and about how I move through this world.
Some of these are bits of advice directly from other people (my friends, my family, friends’ parents), but all of these thoughts have changed how I live my life, so maybe it will do the same for you. I also broke up the text with some pretty flower pictures, so at the very least, enjoy the flowers!
1. Read
Read as much as you can, as often as you can. There are words that you will find beautiful and touching and you do not yet know that they exist, but you will find them if you search hard enough. Read, and write, whenever you can.
2. Take care of your body
I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, but here are my suggestions: take vitamins of some kind, eat some vegetables, keep up with your medications, sleep as much as you can manage, don’t get shitfaced every single weekend, and avoid things like poison ivy, mosquito-infested areas, or people with colds. Your body is such an awesome tool and many people would be grateful for your health and your youth.
3. If you can do it by yourself, do
It can be tough to start this transition, but start doing things on your own that others do for you. Pay your own phone bill, fill out your own FAFSA, get your car checked out by yourself, don’t anticipate that the boy will pay. Try to start relying on yourself.
4. Love. Love a lot
Don’t ever be afraid of telling someone you love them. There are many things wrong in this world, but an excess of love is not one of them.
5. Always back up your computer files
You never know when the moment will come where your computer decides that it’s finished being a computer. Use an outside form of storage and back up your computer often.
6. Your parents are people too
Cut your parents some slack: they’re muddling through life just like everybody else. Love them unconditionally, but realize their flaws do not make them any less of a parent.
7. Work hard in school
Being a student is an amazing thing, and amidst the stress of school we tend to forget that. But college is one of the last steps before your world changes forever and once these days are over you will wish they could come back. Try to love every moment of it that you can.
8. Put your money in your savings account
Stop spending your money on arbitrary things. Buy usefully, buy carefully, and protect your money. Money is not the most important thing, but it enables you to do things that are important to you, so save it.
9. Cry every now and then
Sometimes we think ourselves into bad moods, and that’s okay, but I’ve found that crying is like pushing restart. Intentionally listen to songs or read words that make you cry, or pack everything up and just drive home for the weekend. Just let go.
10. If it’s not a yes, it’s a no
Say yes to things that you want, but if you cannot give a whole-hearted yes, consider that your heart may be telling you no. Nobody knows what you really want except yourself.
11. Bad things happen
Bad things will happen. It is inevitable. Have someone to hold onto.
12. Never skip the shower
You get home, and you’re exhausted or drunk or just really not feeling it, but don’t skip the shower. Showering takes like 10 minutes and you always feel infinitely better afterwards.
13. Be passionate
Do not feel lukewarm. Hate something or love it. You are doing yourself a disservice by feeling indifference.
14. Remember the little things
Make a playlist of songs that play during pivotal moments you experience (that Strokes song playing in the restaurant, the MisterWives song playing at midnight on New Years). Take more spur-of-the-moment pictures. Cling to every bit of your life that you can, because you will love having these memories later.
15. Do not seek validation from other people
They do not matter. Their opinions do not matter. They do not understand your choices, so do not let them have a say.
16. Eat in front of the boy
You will get nowhere if you are embarrassed to act like yourself. Eat what you want, dress how you want, say what you want. Do not make yourself small, and do not change yourself for anyone.
17. Be safe when drinking
You have no obligation to drink something, even if it’s free, even if someone bought it for you. And being the designated driver doesn’t suck: it’s easier to trust yourself than to trust others sometimes.
18. Don’t neglect the people you love
Make sure they know how much you love them. Call. Skype. Write letters. Always. Be kind to people, because people never forget the way you make them feel.
19. Go to the movie alone
Be comfortable in your own aloneness. You are the only constant in your life.
20. Change is so good for you
Change is good. I swear. It can be sad sometimes, but you will adjust, and you will be fine.
21. If it does not or will not lead to your happiness, stop
If something makes you happy, spend your time doing it. If something makes you unhappy, do not waste your time doing it. If it does not make you happy now, but will lead to eventual happiness, stick with it. Your happiness matters more than anything else in life, and nobody will care about your happiness more than you do.