Dear Dave and Andy,
My friends and I are super tired of guys buying us drinks at the bar and then expecting something in return. I didn’t ask for the drink so if he give it to me that’s all on him, right? Why does every guy who buys me a drink at the bar think that I’m obligated to sleep with him? I’m just out to have a good time – and if I can do it for less money I’m all for it. What do you guys really think when you’re buying us drinks?
Sincerely,
“Not THAT Thirsty”
Dear “Not THAT Thirsty,”
I think this is a very valid question that needs to be addressed. What is the appropriate etiquette when receiving a drink from someone at the bar? First, let’s tackle the more obvious scenario: If a guy buys you and a bunch of his or your friends drinks at the bar, then it really isn’t much more than a kind gesture. If a group, or better yet a one-on-one conversation arises from this then hey, that’s awesome. But, I do not think that it is a necessary complementation for the group drink purchase. Just a, “Thanks!” will suffice.
Now for the more tricky stuff, and the thing your question was really getting at. What do you do if some person that you don’t know of the opposite sex decides to buy you a drink? First off, I get it. Times are tough, you’re in college, money can be tight, and who doesn’t like free stuff? But if you see the guy offering you a free “Sex on the Beach” and you have no doubt in your mind that you wouldn’t want to spend any more than five seconds with him, DO NOT accept the drink. It’s as simple as that. Respectfully decline and you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble. If you accept, you’ll be stuck with some unwanted attention from the dude who expects some type of compensation for the $9.00 beverage he just gave you. Also, the guy will be super hurt that you just took his drink and bolted away; leaving him looking like one of those people with water cups on the sides on marathons.
Now in no way shape or form do I believe that if you do accept his drink that you automatically have to sleep with him, or even go home with him, or anything of that nature. I do believe however, that you are obligated (for about the duration of that drink that he gave you) to speak to him. All you really have to do is give the guy a chance – that’s it. Let him woo you in whatever way he sees fit, then remove yourself from the situation or stay around for a second drink depending on how you’re feeling.
In a guy’s mind, buying someone a drink is a hassle-free icebreaker. No dude walks into the bar, looks over at an attractive girl and says, “She looks mighty parched, I bet she could use a cold alcoholic beverage. I’ll get her one out of the kindness of my heart and be on my merry way.” Usually the purchasing of a drink is his way of starting up a conversation with you, and in his mind you accepting that drink means that you are at least slightly interested in that.
Now if you give him his chance and he blows it, but he still keeps buying you drinks, you’re off the hook! He had his shot and now he’s just basically trying to force overtime. No need to feel obligated to compensate him with your time, but don’t aim to run the wells dry either. Do your best to try and politely show your disinterest and (hopefully) he’ll get the hint.
If not, then hey, drinks are on that dude tonight!
Sincerely,
Your Hometown Voices of Reason:
Dave and Andy