It’s that time of the year again: Your heels are dragging, you’re too lazy to cook anything real, and your schedule just keeps getting worse. Doesn’t Grandma’s stuffing sound so good right now? Add up your answers to how many times you did the things in the questions below, and you have your desperation-for-break score! It’s science.
How many times this week did you look at pictures of your pet at home?
Never – 0 points (I don’t understand you.)
Once – 1 point
Twice – 2 points
Three times – 3 points
I have an album on my phone for my pet’s portraits – 5 points (AKA me.)
How many times this week did you call your mom?
Never – 0 points (GO CALL HER. SHE BIRTHED YOU.)
Once – 1 point
Twice – 2 points
Three times – 3 points
She is on speed dial; every day – 5 points
How many of those were tearful?
None – 0 points (Good. You stay strong.)
Some – 2 points
Most – 4 points
This article was a trigger for me. I’m bawling and need my phone – 5 points
How many frozen dinners/canned soups did you buy last grocery trip?
None – 0 points (Ugh. I bet you’re fit, too.)
Maybe One – 1 point
Two to Four – 3 points
Five or more. How else would I survive? – 5 points
Have you pet someone else’s pet recently and gotten tears in your eyes?
No! Weirdo – 0 points
Yes – 3 points (Don’t feel bad, me too.)
How afraid are you to look at your bank account on a scale of 1 to 10?
Add that number to your score. Give yourself zero points if mom still handles your bank account (and call her for an over-the-phone hug).
How many exams do you have before break?
None – 0 points (Please don’t talk to me. We can’t be friends.)
One – 1 point
Two – 2 points
Three – 3 points
Four or more – 5 points (What are you taking??)
Add how many GPA points you think you’re going to lose this semester to your score, and you’re done!
My GPA will rise like the morning sun – 0 points
.1 to .2 – 1 point
.3 to .4 – 2 points (Danger zone.)
.5 to .6 – 3 points
We are looking at whole numbers, here – 5 points
Here’s the key to see how desperate you are for some turkey naps:
0 to 10: You don’t need home! Tell mom you’re honestly good.
11 to 22: You could use some pumpkin pie right now. Does Grandma’s do Tapingo?
23 to 32: You need the pumpkin pie like a drug. Dad’s jokes sound so good right now that you’re ready to hop on a city bus outta here every day.
33 to 48: You need to go Skype with your pets or parents. Right now. Go. Break cannot come soon enough for you!
I got: 18!
What did you get?