Sooooo, the other night I was riding the 10A shuttle back from a party when I was sucker punched with probably the rudest thing anyone’s ever said to me (I mean, said to my face at least). I was told – AND I QUOTE – “You’ll never find a husband because you don’t let men dominate you.”
Umm…what? Though I was floored by the audacity of the intoxicated commenter, it’s not the first time in my life that a guy has alluded to my dominant attitude being unattractive. Starting in—oh, I don’t know—preschool maybe? I have had boys of all ages, ranges of attractiveness, and varying degrees of popularity tell me in more ways than one that they simply do. Not. Like. Me.
There’s a direct correlation—when I state my opinion, show my ambition, or do anything that is typically viewed as an act of masculinity, I suffer the wrath of (what I assume to be) insecure guys. In a day and age where my generation assumes that we’re all equal (though, in actuality, we haven’t gotten to that point yet) no one directly states that they think men are superior. No, instead, our generation hides behind sexual, crude, and derogatory jokes to let each other know that women are of the lesser, and that they better not forget it! (Because the kitchen jokes about making sandwiches are still so funny, guys).
But as I write, vent, whatever you want to call it, I know there are plenty of readers who are thinking, “She’s just an uptight bitch who can’t take a joke.” No, no, I actually can and do ignore and accept the jokes that come my way, but let’s not forget that if a man were to stand up for himself when he was berated, he would be hailed a hero. But instead, I was the crazy bitch on the bus because how dare I retaliate to the comment that was hurdled my way. No one on the bus even acknowledged what the guy said to me.
Girls are raised by society to be submissive—to fall into the role of someone quiet, polite, and docile. We are taught to let others speak before us. We are taught to sit with our bodies closed off and small. We are taught to raise our hands and heads half as high. We are told be a communal body: “Give up your career to have children! Finish this project for a coworker! You’re here to help, not lead!”
When someone rocks the boat (or, in my case, the bus), they are made to feel ashamed. In this male dominated world, I am a bitch. Always was, always will be. Some guys will always be nicer to my less vocal female counterparts, and that probably isn’t going to change.
This isn’t a great piece about feminism or equal rights—it isn’t profound or ground breaking. It’s just one of the many incidents in my life that has shaped me to be more powerful— a force to be reckoned with. I want other girls to know that you are not wrong for defending yourselves; you have been victimized because you like yourself, because you are ambitious, because you are proud, and because you aren’t afraid to say the kid on the 10A, “As if my worth is measured by whether or not I find a husband.”
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