Now that we are in college, we are faced with a conundrum: Everyone is an adult. In high school there were clear lines between people you can and cannot date; you were a minor and wouldn’t dare to look at anyone too old (maybe, or at the very least your mom probably didn’t want you to), but now the lines are blurry. I am going to try to help define who may or may not be off limits:
1. Your Resident Assistant
It happens that sometimes your RA is of the opposite sex and may also be very attractive, so can you date him? There are definitely rules with the University against fraternization between Resident Assistants and the students they oversee, but we don’t choose who we are attracted to. RAs are students too and you may find yourself at the same parties, social events, or even classes and it may be that you actually like this person and they like you as well. I say dating your RA is fine! Just don’t be obvious or stupid about it. If the other residents find out then it will be a lot of drama and scandal that just isn’t worth it. The age difference really isn’t an issue here, there are three years or less between the two of you and in terms of maturity you’re pretty close. Go for it!
2. Your Undergraduate Teaching Assistant
This is where things get hairy. Though your RA is an authority figure of sorts, they don’t come close to the kind of power that a UTA has. UTA’s have impacts on your grades. Not only do they have an impact on your grade – a good UTA can have you on cloud nine and get you through a class, while a bad one could destroy your GPA with his inability to explain pertinent information. But in most cases, they assist the professors in grading tests. Not to say that UTA’s have no morals and will fudge a grade if they see your name on it, but they do hold your tests in their hands, which to a college student can seem like your life. Here’s the verdict: once again UTA’s are close in age to you and they are still undergraduate students which means that you may encounter them outside the classroom. If you find yourself attracted to a UTA, and they return the interest, talk discreetly and hang out but wait until you’re out of the class to start a serious relationship. A semester isn’t very long and you need time to get to know a person before you make it Facebook official anyways. Wait it out!
3. Your Non-Undergraduate Teaching Assistant
You most definitely cannot date a teaching assistant while in their class. Teaching assistants are often graduate students who are not only much older or more mature than you but they have real power and more at stake. Teaching assistants are trying to achieve some higher goal and you probably aren’t on their radar. If they are interested in you, a few words of warning: wait until the end of the semester for anything. Whether that be a relationship, talking, a fling – it should all wait. Also, TAs who are much older have hit a point outside of college where they are interested in different things; bars instead of frat parties, real restaurants instead of Noodles and Company, so don’t be fooled by their good looks. You could be very different people who have very different goals and current outlooks. Don’t get me wrong, I think older guys are great, who wouldn’t want to date someone with a life plan? It’s the awkward age difference plus fact that they are integral in your education that is the problem. I say stay away!
4. Your Professor
Professors are not the sexy 25-30 year old hunks the movies make them out to be. Instead, most professors are older men and women who have done as much as they can in their field and are now spending their time enriching the minds of the next generation. They are definitely off limits for relationships. They are not only the age of your father, but they completely control your grades. This aspect means that it is not only immoral for you to try to have a relationship with them, but it is definitely not okay for them to be attracted to you. If for some reason you find that you and a professor do want a relationship, you should wait until you are out of their class, at a minimum, but really you should wait until you have graduated. Once again, it isn’t the age difference that is a big deal – who doesn’t like a regal older man? But they are your teacher and that just isn’t cool.
5. Your Boss
So you have a summer job or a job somewhere around campus during the school year, can you date your boss? I give this one a resounding “yes.” A silly side job will have no impact on your life. If you are attracted to your boss–go for it, but be prepared for complications on his end. Managers aren’t supposed to have relationships with their employees, and a relationship with you could cause your boss his job. If you’re really into him, find another waitressing job or be careful and don’t tell the whole world about it, then continue at work like nothing is happening. Your boss is someone you could go for.
6. Your Boss…Again
Now you have graduated from college and are looking for internships, or maybe you’ve landed a job right out of the gate. Either way this job is integral to your career and life path. The managers and executives at these jobs are probably ones you should stay a safe distance from. These nice men and women want to see someone who is hard working and respectable and trying to flirt with them, have a relationship, or start a fling will ultimately lose you all the respect not only of that person, but you will also lose the respect of the whole body of people that make up that career field. After college you are a “real person”; don’t mess that up by having a relationship with someone who could promote you in the future or fire your butt at any time.
Relationships can be tricky and age differences can throw another wrench into that, the important thing is not to dwell on the age difference. In every scenario and relationship there are going to be other things that make a relationship work or kill it, these are the things that are important.
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