The word “abuse” often conjures up images of violence, and is usually linked to the words “child” or “domestic.” Domestic violence is such a prominent issue in today’s society that there’s a whole month dedicated to raising awareness to the problem. But what about people who aren’t being hurt physically by their partners? Their bruises aren’t on the skin – they’re on the mind. Emotional abuse is a serious issue that does not garner enough attention, making those who suffer from it feel invalidated.
Emotional abuse will typically follow the same “Power and Control Wheel” as other abusive tendencies. It starts with words. Maybe they’ll use derogatory language or embarrass you in public without regards to your feelings. They’ll twist their words to make it sound like they’re on your side, but really they’re manipulating you. You tell them to stop, but they don’t, which leads to them using their power over you. They will make all the decisions, without any input from you, and will use excuses such as that they’re older, the man, “smarter,” to convince you that your input doesn’t matter anyway. They may start to harass you through the phone, or even steal your phone and look at your messages to see if you’re “behaving.” If they get it in their head that you’re cheating or doing something “wrong,” they’ll start to use intimidation. They may hit things, but never you, or threaten your family or pets. When you tell them they are being abusive, they deny it, saying it was no big deal, it was just a one-time thing, or even blaming it on you. But these episodes will continue, and you will become emotionally dependent on them. One day they may threaten to leave you, or say they’ll commit suicide if you don’t want to be with them. The wheel verges into sexual and physical abuse beyond that, which emotional abuse can definitely lead to.
It’s extremely important to recognize if you are being abused. Women’s Health is a great source for information on different types of abuse. Here are some signs of emotional abuse: constantly monitoring what you’re doing; accusing you of cheating without reason; keeping you away from your friends, family, work, or school; becomes angry in a scary way; controlling your own money; humiliating you in public; threatening to hurt you or your loved ones; threatening to hurt themselves when they’re mad; says things like “if I can’t have you, no one can”; and makes decisions for you.
If you believe you are being abused, get help immediately. You may think it’s going to get better or that you can “fix” them, but it won’t and you can’t. There are a number of hotlines available, and even if you’re scared, it’s good to tell someone you trust about the problem. You have the right to a healthy, happy relationship. No one deserves to be abused.