Most of us have had experience with the friend-zone at one point or another; you’re stuck in this relationship purgatory where you have feelings for the other person, but they only see you as a close friend, and they dodge any attempt you make to further the relationship into something more because “they don’t want to complicate the friendship you have.” Some of us have been there so long that we might as well sign up for a parking permit! For those of you lucky enough to never know this feeling, you might be guilty of friend-zoning someone yourself. No matter your position, the friend-zone is never fun for either person involved.
If you’re currently in the friend-zone, don’t worry… there is hope. Contrary to popular belief, once you’ve been friend-zoned, you aren’t in it for life! There are things you might be doing unknowingly that are keeping you in this relationship stand-still much longer than necessary, and fortunately for you, we’ve come up with some steps to potentially escape the dreaded friend-zone!
When your friend looks at you, they clearly see you in a way that is not dating material, hence your place in the friend-zone. This brings us to the crucial Step #1- identify how they see you in an honest way. If they see you as a sibling, “one of the guys”, or their therapist, you’ve got an uphill climb. Maybe they see you as their shadow or a doormat; this means you probably seem too available and, let’s face it, everyone loves the thrill of the chase. By looking at the situation from your friend’s perspective, you can determine what the role is that you’re playing in their life. We then arrive at Step #2- ask yourself if you’re willing to risk losing that role by pursuing something more. Oftentimes, friend-zoning happens because people fear not having their go-to therapist or drinking buddy anymore once they start dating. In comes Step #3- think about changing up the dynamic between you and your friend.
The next big thing to consider is Step #4- confess your honest feelings and thoughts on where you stand and explain where you want to stand. This is a pretty dreaded conversation for those in the friend-zone, but you owe it to your friend and yourself to be truthful. Don’t overthink this because all that really needs said is your stance and their response. Working up the courage to say these things at the right time is the hard part. There are good and bad ways to let them know your feelings, and Step #5 is to ensure that it’s the right time and setting. If you are drunk, on the phone, or sitting in front of computer screens, don’t even think about it. A good confession is in person, in a quiet and private place, and while you two are in clear/sober states of mind.
If things go well and they want to remove the friend-zone, that’s great! If not, it may benefit you both to take some time apart if things get awkward or tense afterwards. We know what you’re thinking… you hate this part. But you have to remember Step #6- giving space might be the best thing you can do. Sometimes when you’re out of the picture for a little, your friend will be thinking of you more or be forced to realize what life might be like without you. If you don’t give them a minute to miss you, they never will.
The last thing to keep in mind is Step #7- having a positive attitude is everything. Here’s the deal. Not being happy on your own means you’re not gonna be happy with someone else. If your friend sees you being bitter about your friend-zone status, they might feel like they made the right choice by putting you there. Instead, be understanding and supportive; this attitude will show that you’re level-headed and could cause your friend to rethink their feelings about you after all. Mission accomplished!