How to Survive the Superbowl

1. Tip: make sure there will be good food.

“At least I have you, you hilarious bowl of salad.”

2.  Tip: find an excuse that will keep you close to the food and far from the tv.

“Sheryl, this loaf of bread is more interesting than every story you’ve told so far.”- the guy in the white shirt, probably. 

3. Tip: hover back for comercials.

I sat on the remote and accidentally fastforwaded through the whole game. Oops. 

4. Tip: play on your phone while the sports people play.

I just beat my Angry Birds score, so who’s the real winner today?

5. Tip: live tweet your horrible interpretation of the game.

Extra points if you use the following words: sports ball, futbol, helmet people, egg shaped ball, hand soccer.

6. Tip: get a prime spot for viewing the half time performance.

Who knew there would be games at this Lady Gaga concert??

7. Tip: offer to clean dishes (so you can be closer to the food).

“No, please. I insist on doing the dishes Sheryl. Go tell someone else about your kids.”

8. Tip: everytime someone teases you about not liking football waste their time by having them explain something very simple about football. Pretend you don’t understand no matter how well they explain it. Waste as much of their time as possible.

You could just keep saying “but why?”. That should do the trick. 

9. TIp: if watching the game on recording, look up the final score and let everyone know that you know it. Just to establish authority.

I just think it’s so funny that your team is about to lose. 

10. Tip: have an exit strategy (cough cough homework).

Helpful excuses to leave: you have to wash your hair, you have to wash your friends hair, your friend has to wash your hair, you have homework to do, you don’t want to be there anymore, the food is gone, etc. 

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