Bye Bye Bestie: The stages of grief and how to cope when your best friend is abroad

Junior year, while it brings many of the routine joys and stresses of college, also introduces a new element of hardship: studying abroad.  For those going abroad, the idea of jetting off to a whole new country to experience new foods, new people, and new adventures is utterly exciting.  However for those of us staying behind, studying abroad sometimes means losing a your best friend for an entire semester.  Mourning this figurative loss of your bestie for an extended period of time undoubtedly means that you are going to have to majorly adjust so that you can come to terms with his/her absence. I’m in the process of doing this myself so here is my list of some of the different stages you’ll probably experience if your best friend is abroad with tips on how to get through each of them!

Stage #1: Grief

So the day has come for you to do the seemingly impossible and part ways with your best friend for an entire semester.  While you try to keep it together, you can’t help but wonder how you are supposed to get through four whole months apart when even five days away from each other for Thanksgiving break is unbearable.  You and your friend are like SpongeBob and Patrick- a package deal, an iconic duo that simply belongs together at all times and should not be separated. Ever.  But much like that episode when SpongeBob had to go off to boating school, your friend has to go abroad.  Unfortunately you happen to be Patrick in this equation and are therefore left behind to simply wait for her to “get back”.    

How to Get through it:

After trying to convince yourself that you’ll survive, more than likely you will acknowledge that you were lying to yourself approximately 5 minutes later, and lose it.  However, the best way to get over your emotions is to open the floodgates and let them in.  One thing you can do is to look through your camera role and past Instagram posts, reminiscing about the highlights of your friendship that you wish you could relive over and again.  (**Pro tip: As you do this, have a playlist of sad songs on deck that will resonate with your current situation. It will fuel your little emotional montage and really get you deep into your feelings. 10/10 would recommend including “Photograph” by Ed Sheeran on this set list**).  While you might think this would make you even sadder, it will actually alleviate that grief for a little bit as you will crack a smile and laugh as you remember all of the ridiculous times you have shared. It will also help you to realize that even though you’ll be missing her for a few months, you can look forward to making even more amazing memories, like the ones on your camera roll, when she comes home. 

Stage #2: Separation Anxiety

Now that you’ve probably polished off a pint of ice cream and used up at least one box of tissues in your grief-stricken state, you have started to process the fact that your best friend will not be joining you this semester.  This is when the confusion and fear set in and you start to feel like you have little to no direction.  Like who are you supposed to procrastinate doing homework with?  Who is going to deliberate outfit choices with you hours before going out?  Who are you going to pour your heart out to on your twin sized bed when Johnny from the Lax house doesn’t hit you up on the weekend? What are you going to do without your person?  You never had to think about it until now because she was indisputably the one you went to for all of that.  However, now you don’t know where you’ll go.  At this point, when you realize the long list of the things you do with and rely on your best friend for, you’re missing her more than you thought possible. 

Literally how did I survive without you up to this point??

How to Get Through It:

Now that your fear has caused your stress level to skyrocket into Troy Bolton senior year territory, it’s time to throw yourself into as many new activities as possible so that you have something to direct all of your attention toward.  Wholeheartedly invest your time and energy into clubs and activities that you really care about, taking the leap into more active and leadership driven roles. The constant rotation of club meetings paired with the increased weight of responsibility will keep you preoccupied and give you less time to think about your bestie being away.  This is also a great way to for you to boost your resume heading into your final years at school, to meet new people, and to solidify some other really great friendships.

Stage #3: FOMO

So you’ve been talking to your best friend and she’s telling you all about her amazing adventures abroad.  From siestas and endless nights of clubbing, to very cheap and very legal alcohol and delicious foods, she’s having a blast.  Imagining her sitting at cafés being waited on by attractive foreigners and strutting down those European streets like the Cheetah Girls has you feeling some major FOMO (I want to strut like I mean it too, ya know?).

How to Get Through It:

Although it may be hard to hear about all the adventurous things your friend is doing (meanwhile the boldest thing you’ve done thus far this semester is eat literally anything from Ray), understand that she’s feeling left out of your experiences too.  A lot of times FOMO can be combated simply by communicating.  Therefore, set up times each week with your friend when you can call or Skype each other for extended periods. { Be sure to get a routine going because communicating from across the world will come with its fair share of complications which can be more effectively worked around if you have set times to talk​ } This way you can go over every detail of each other’s lives, keeping one another updated.  This will make you both feel like you were just as much a part of the other one’s experiences. Although you would much rather be doing things together, embrace your different adventures and I guarantee you will realize how much fun you’re actually having even though you’re not together.

Stage #4: Acceptance

At last you have reached the conclusive stage and this is where you finally accept that your best friend will be not be by your side for a few months.  At this point you’re more settled at school, you’ve found some new interests, solidified some other great friendships, and realize that life without your other half is, dare I say, doable.  The adjustment process is not one that comes without fear of the unknown, a little bit of loneliness, and a lot of separation anxiety, but it is one that forges strength both in yourself and in your friendship.  While it’s true that your best friend in the world may be half a world away (for now), when you think about it, distance doesn’t mean a thing.  At the end of the day, no matter where you are, I believe that best friends always carry a little piece of each other wherever they go; I know I always do.  And just keep in mind that after a long four months apart you will be reunited again and ready to strut through the rest of junior year- together.

Pictures: google.com