Brittany: Unhealthy relationships – a topic that not many people want to confront or talk about… especially if they are in one. Unhealthy relationships aren’t just physically harmful. They are any relationship that makes you feel uncomfortable, anxious, unhappy, sad, etc for extended periods of time. Unhealthy relationships are often extremely harmful to mental health as well.
Speaking from experience, it is extremely difficult to get out of an unhealthy relationship. There are so many factors that make you want to stay and just “tough it out”. Your partner might not be physically abusive, but there still could be mental and emotional abuse that you might not even be fully aware of. The number one thing in a relationship is to make sure you are both happy – genuinely happy. Not happy because the other one is happy, not happy that you are doing what the other person wants, not happy because it is out of habit or comfort. One hundred percent true happiness – you can’t find anything substantially wrong. Sure, each relationship has problems and little quirks that each S.O. may find annoying and irritating but I am talking about serious red flags.
Some examples of red flags could be they don’t support you, they don’t make an effort to talk to you, they make excuses for even the most mundane, small things, they don’t compliment you, they don’t put in effort, when you hang out with them you often wish you were somewhere else, when something is wrong they aren’t the first person you want to tell, there is a lack in honesty and trust, you’re in the relationship because it’s comfortable but there is no love there anymore and much more.
As my favorite therapist, relationship advice-giver and sister once said, “It is important for you to figure out who and what you want out of life. The most important relationship you can have, is the one you have with yourself. A lot of the personal relationship with yourself is reflected on the relationships you have with others.”
Sometimes being in a relationship sounds easier than working on yourself and making you the best version you can be. Sometimes loneliness creeps in and it’s easier to dive into something that isn’t the best for you. Sometimes staying in the unhealthy relationship is easier to just live with than breaking up with your S.O. in hopes to find something better.
I promise with a little perseverance, determination, your friends and hope – there is a brighter, happier tomorrow outside of the unhealthy relationship. You deserve nothing but the best and should keep searching until you find that.
Nici and Sorya:
As much as I would love to say that I don’t like to control what my boyfriend does, I know that is a lie. I mean, I am not a psychopath by any means, but I like to know what is going on in my partner’s life. Also, I want to clarify that when I say I am controlling, I mean that I like to choose his clothes and hairstyles. I do not go through his text messages, I do not tell him who to hang with and I do not tell him where he can and cannot go.
On social media, women pride themselves on being controlling. They think that it shows love and affection, however, there is a huge difference in positively influencing your significant other and dictating what they do. You have heard it before but I will say it one more time for the people in the back who might not have; relationships are hard. They are stressful. You are sharing your emotions, feelings and thoughts with someone. You trust them. You are vulnerable around them and it is understandable if this might make you nervous, but a successful relationship is based on honesty and trust and trying to control their every move is outrageous. What is the point of it? Can someone really go through life without talking to an entire gender? Can someone really love life without friends? I do not know everyone’s relationship, but I love hanging out with my boyfriend and with both of our different friend groups. I love going out with and without him. I love being with him, but I also love being alone.
A healthy relationship is one where both parties are happy and there’s always the fact that no matter how happy someone might say they are, they could always be lying. Can one be happy when their entire life is decided by someone else? If you struggle with boundaries in your relationship, my advice to you would be this: if you want to better your relationship, work together and find a solution to your problems together, don’t demand your solution and point of view to be the only right one.