(Photo: Fabulous Arizona)
Stage 1:
You wake up Saturday morning, fresh-faced and ready to go.
Okay, let’s be honest. You wake up Saturday morning, hungover and ready to throw your blaring alarm out the window.
Stage 2:
After you and your roommates repeatedly give it “five more minutes,” you realize there is a school holiday to be celebrated, so you hop out of bed and desperately search for that single green shirt you haven’t seen since sophomore year.
Stage 3:
Everyone is dressed and ready to go, so you head to the first stop of the day. You find yourself enjoying a Kegs and Eggs extravaganza or some other glorious breakfast food and alcohol combo.
Stage 4:
After a few drinks and some breakfast food (okay, a lot), you’re feeling great. In fact, you’re on top of the world. State Patty’s is the BEST!
Stage 5:
Your buzz is reaching its peak, and you suddenly realize it’s only noon. You feel weird but also a little proud of yourself. You and your friends repeatedly find each other to point out, “It’s only noon and we’re DRUNK! College is GREAT!”
Stage 6:
You find yourself at a new party, and you’re desperately trying to hold on to the “happy drunk” you were just a few hours ago. You no longer feel as great as you did at noon, but that’s nothing a slice of Canyon can’t fix. You ditch the party full of people you didn’t actually know and indulge in a ranch-soaked slice of heaven.
Stage 7:
Someone has finally suggested you all hit the bars and, regardless of which one you choose, you can guarantee it’s crowded. It’s late afternoon, and State Patty’s is in full swing. You pull it together and remind yourself that this is what you’ve been training for since Syllabus Week. Time for another drink!
Stage 8:
It’s dinnertime and you and your friends make the executive decision to head back and recharge for a bit. You reach home with the intention of grabbing a quick bite and chugging some water; but, the next thing you know, your roommate is shaking you awake and telling you it’s 10 o’clock. After hastily wiping away the mascara streaked down your face, you put on a shirt that doesn’t smell like The Gaff and head out for round 2. (Or is it round 3? 4? Oh, who cares at this point…)
Stage 9:
Back to the bars! You’re simultaneously drunk and hungover, but you’re oddly okay with it. You and your friends find each other once more and it feels like your morning together was weeks ago. You laugh and reminisce about the day’s antics and that one annoying friend reminds you of certain events you’d rather just forget.
Stage 10:
The bars are closing and, as much as you believe this glorious holiday should last forever, the bouncers think otherwise. You toss them dirty looks as they usher you out of the bar and put an end to your fun night.
Stage 11:
You collapse in bed after a long day, your is head spinning but you still have a smile on your face. You think back to the incredible day you had, reluctant to close your eyes and let it come to an end. Eventually, you let sleep take you over, knowing that you really need your rest…State Patty’s is only 364 days away, after all.