A reminder of what’s really important – A Letter from a fellow perfectionist

Lately, I have found myself really struggling with balance.

There is simply too much to be done and not enough hours in a day. Trying to balance being a full-time student with a job, pre-student teaching, being president of an organization and involvement in other extracurriculars is hard. That’s not even including taking care of basic physical and social needs by cooking and eating three meals a day, getting enough sleep, keeping my apartment clean, and spending time with loved ones.

I know I am not unique in my situation. Penn State is filled with highly ambitious people who want to excel not only in class but also in extracurriculars and relationships. Sometimes it can be hard to figure out what to prioritize.

This campus has so many incredible opportunities for students to get involved through athletics, music, cultural organizations, politics, Greek Life and so much more. This is an amazing part of what makes Penn State the school that it is and it’s a huge part of why many students choose to come here.

These involvements open up doors to create long-lasting friendships and priceless memories. However, they also come with responsibility, especially if you take on a leadership role. 

It can be incredibly taxing to decide what to prioritize when it is simply impossible to balance it all. As a perfectionist myself, I want to pour my all into everything I do. I want to be the perfect leader, the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect future teacher and the best, healthiest version of myself. 

Readers, there is something very important for you to know. This is an impossible standard to hold yourself to.

If like me, you want to be perfect in every aspect of your college career and, frankly, your life, you will constantly be disappointing yourself. You will never be able to reach that standard of perfection, and you will constantly be so focused on the areas where you feel like you “failed” that you won’t see all of your amazing successes.

So, from a perfectionist to a perfectionist, you have to let some things go.

I heard a quote once that asked us to imagine ourselves as jugglers. We are constantly juggling so many balls up in the air, faster and faster and faster until something has to fall. It is up to us to decide which balls are plastic and which are glass. Which ones can drop to the floor and be picked back up again later and which ones need your attention right now?

I learned the hard way last year that your physical needs are not plastic. They are in fact glass, and if you neglect them, they will shatter. Last year, I put classes, extracurriculars and work first. I left early in the morning for work and spent the entire day going back and forth between work, campus, rehearsals and meetings from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Then I would come home, stay up way too late doing homework and sleep three to five hours a night before starting it all over the next day. I barely ate on weekdays and when I did, it was quick, lazy college meals like pasta or Ramen. They were never balanced with fruit and vegetables for proper nutrients. 

I got sick constantly. I had two awful stomach bugs, the flu and at the end of the year I somehow picked up mono. Because I prioritized school, work and extracurriculars over taking care of myself, I actually ended up having to miss school, work and extracurriculars because I was home sick all the time. 

If you do not allow yourself rest, your body will force you to rest.

You are more important than responding to that email immediately or making that spreadsheet to send out. You deserve time to just be.

You are not a machine and you were not designed to work 24/7. Part of the human condition is that we need time to relax and recharge. You cannot possibly be productive all the time, and no matter what you see on social media, nobody can be.

When you walk across the stage on graduation day and leave this campus, you will take only some memories of your time here with you. Others will be left behind.

When you imagine yourself post-grad, think about what will matter to you. Of course, your GPA matters to an extent, but the stress you put yourself through to get that A- to an A will not matter in the long run. Your extracurricular involvements will just become words on a resume and something you talk about in job interviews as lessons you learned in college. Your job is just something you needed to be able to pay your rent while you were here.

What you can take with you when you leave this place are your relationships with others and the connections you made while you were here.

If you are struggling to determine what to prioritize, if you are struggling with balance the way that I am, focus on what really matters. Focus on the people around you and the ones that support you no matter what.

If you don’t feel like you have a solid network of friends here yet, don’t give up. Build your relationships with people in your extracurriculars and classes. Ask to get coffee, invite them out with you. 

Even on the nights where I feel like my stress is bursting at the seams and I can’t do it anymore, my friends are the ones that pull me out of it. 

I have had so many late nights with my friends over the last few months just sitting and talking on my couch until 3 a.m., usually about nothing remotely important. Those nights can’t go on my resume, they won’t be mentioned in a job interview and yet that is what I will carry with me when I leave Penn State.

When I graduate from this amazing school and I look back on my time here, I will remember laughing with my best friends about nothing until the sun comes up. I’ll think about our nights out together, our coffee and lunch dates, our spring break trips and all of the little moments in between. 

When I get my first job, they will be the ones I text immediately. When I buy my first house, they will be invited to the housewarming party, no matter where in the world they are. When I get married, they will be standing right up there beside me crying with me out of love.

The people in your life are what matter, not your college stats or how many positions you can list on a resume.

Make the time for your friends. Make the time to take care of yourself and to enjoy your hobbies.

Get the important schoolwork done, go to class, persevere. But don’t be afraid to let the little things go or to miss a meeting every now and then when you don’t have it in you.

You are a person first. 

With love, your fellow perfectionist.

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