If I could shout this out onto the streets I would. Just because you move to another state or country for college does not mean that your problems will disappear. In fact, you could actually gain some. I’m not saying that going somewhere foreign isn’t potentially the best thing for you, however, don’t think your past will just disappear.
Honestly, I never thought about leaving home for college (or ever). I thought I would go to a local UMass campus or Fitchburg State and then figure it out from there. But by the end of my junior year of high school, I wanted out of Massachussetts. I didn’t want to be near anyone I knew and although I did apply to some in-state schools, most were beyond the borders of my home state.
By the end of the application process, I was choosing between Manhattan College and Penn State. I ended up going with the latter choice and planned to head to Happy Valley. All summer I prepped and was nervous, but so happy that I would be getting away from my high school life. I never expected my out of state journey to be easy, but I also had no idea what to expect.
I am a sophomore now, but both fall semesters that I’ve spent on campus have involved severe homesickness. I was upset all the time and it was causing me to lose sleep. My school work was affected as I struggled to find motivation to go to class. Because I struggled with my sleep schedule, I couldn’t bring myself to go to my early 8 a.m. classes. I was so miserable and whenever I told someone what I was going through, they either didn’t believe me or didn’t acknowledge the severity of my feelings.
It was also extremely tough to find healthy interactions with anyone around me. My roommate didn’t talk to me, clubs and classes were on Zoom and I’m not typically an outgoing individual. Sometimes, I wonder what I was even thinking when I decided to move away from home with my minimal social skills. I know there had to be a few people that hated me because they thought I’m rude or stuck up. I truly don’t mean to come off this way, I’m just nervous and shy.
I think something I didn’t realize was that the insecurities you leave home with will stay with you. My life isn’t perfect or much better than when I left home. Nothing immediately changed. I would say that nothing has changed at all, but that’s not true. Slowly, life is progressing and I’m moving out of my comfort zone a little bit at a time. If I stayed in my little bubble I wouldn’t be writing for Her Campus, I would probably stay locked up in my room all day, everyday. But I don’t… well I try not too. I still have a lot of insecurities, though. Everyday I struggle with something, whether it’s self worth or walking up that damn Shortlidge hill to get back to my room.
I don’t regret leaving home. Going out of state can’t fix your problems, but that doesn’t mean it still won’t be the best decision for you. If I stayed home I know I would have been walking on eggshells all the time. When I go home for breaks, I have to give myself a half hour pep talk in the car sometimes to walk into a store. Whereas here in State College, I just go in without a care in the world.
Family issues don’t disappear, but they feel a little less consuming for the time being. Although a lot of issues and problems still followed me, some aren’t as obvious anymore. I also have a better connection with my hometown. If you were to ask me three years ago what I loved about home, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I hated everything. Now, I can say that I do miss a few things. I miss the familiarity and the food. I’m sorry State College, the food just doesn’t compare. I also was able to realize how beautiful my hometown actually is. I wouldn’t have realized that without leaving.
Stay in state or go out of state, it doesn’t matter. However, if the only reason you want to get out is because of the insecurities you have, they won’t disappear. You’ll realize that within the first couple of weeks. I promise, I’ve been there. Don’t let that stop you from doing what you want to do, everything always works out in one way or another.