The suggestions made in this article are the opinion of the author. The author does not claim to be an expert in mental health or grief.
In October 2022, my uncle passed away. It was the first death in my family in many years, and the first death that I had to deal with as a college student.
I remember feeling heartbroken as well as guilty that I would not be able to come home to say goodbye while the rest of my family did. I also remember feeling overwhelmed with my schoolwork and clubs due to not having an appropriate time to grieve.
- Distracting yourself with Friends
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The days and weeks after my uncle’s death were difficult. The day he passed, I didn’t know what to do with myself and decided to call one of my best friends. She immediately came to my dorm, and we cried in each other’s arms as if she truly knew him.
Days later, she invited me to her room where our whole friend group decided to have a movie night and ordered pizza so that I wouldn’t be alone. It is something that I will never forget and I will forever be grateful for that night.
While I still felt upset that I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye in-person, with my friends becoming my support system to lean on, things felt a little easier. If it weren’t for them, I know I would have taken his passing much harder than I already did.
- Taking Mental Health Breaks
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It’s hard for me to take breaks, but I found it much harder after my uncle’s passing. I thought that the best method for me to “move on” would be by throwing myself into my work even harder than before.
I was wrong.
After pushing my feelings aside for so long, I eventually became so overwhelmed that I broke down and cried. I knew that I needed to come to terms with my feelings and express them in a healthy way. I emailed my professors and let them know about the situation and that I would be requesting extensions as I needed a mental health break away from school.
Fortunately, most of them were very understanding and gave me all of the time that I needed in order to grieve privately without the worry of tests and projects looming over me.
It’s okay to not be okay, and it’s more than okay to take a break when you need to. Don’t neglect to focus on the most important person in your life: yourself.
Losing my uncle was one of the hardest events that I’ve gone through in my life. He was a huge football fan and passed away on the day of the 2022 Penn State Whiteout. I contemplated heavily on trying to get rid of my ticket just a few hours before kickoff, but my aunt called me with one of the best uplifting messages I have ever received.
“Madison, imagine how upset your uncle would be if he knew that you didn’t go to the game because of him. Life is short and he would want you to enjoy every minute of it. Go have fun, and remember to cheer extra loud in his place, as that’s exactly what he would want you to do.”
Penn State ended up winning the game 45-17, and I know in my heart my uncle was right there beside me cheering them on as he always did.