If you are not interested, tell me so I don’t waste my time.
I understand you are afraid of hurting my feelings, and discussing a relationship can be extremely awkward. But I am not one to give up easily. If I really like you and I see our relationship growing cold, I will try everything I can to make things go back to how they were before giving up.
So, if you are not interested in me anymore, just tell me. It is that simple. Just tell me so I don’t waste my time and energy on something that is not going to last. Just tell me so I can transfer that energy towards an activity that will fulfill me and bring me benefits in the future.
I’d rather you tell me how you really felt and we resolve things than you ghosting me and leaving me wondering what went wrong. I am a person who values communication — I am a journalism major after all — and I like to understand what is going on.
If you are afraid of hurting me, I can guarantee you that you are going to hurt me more if you don’t tell me what’s in your mind. If you don’t tell me that you are not interested anymore and just disappear, I would assume that you never cared about me at all since I am not even worth an explanation.
My favorite failed relationship was one that happened right before I went to college. I had moved from my hometown, Manaus, to São Paulo in January, and started talking to this guy back in December. We were less than a month into this “talking stage” when we went long-distance.
When I moved, we set up a phone call to set things clear. If either of us met someone else that might be a better fit, we would tell the other. If the relationship wasn’t working out anymore for either of us, we would tell the other.
If we didn’t like any aspect of the relationship, we would tell the other.
For me, the best part was that we actually followed through. After two weeks apart, I told him the things that were bothering me, and he told me that he didn’t like doing long-distance. We went our different ways amicably.
For my part, even though we didn’t work out, that showed me that he at least had respect for me. I didn’t feel bad about us not working out because I could see his side and understand what was wrong.
It brought me closure, something that I deeply value.
So if you are not interested anymore, just tell me. We can work our differences out or we can go our separate ways, avoiding a possible confusion or resentment towards another person. I promise you, 10 minutes of awkward conversation are better than days of pure confusion and frustration.