Before you immediately think of red flags, I assure you I’ve known the man I’m dating for eight years. We’ve been together before, and I couldn’t be happier with him now.
Well, it would make me happier if he were home, but we’ll get there.
It’s been an amazing experience falling in love with him, to say the absolute least. But, I don’t know many friends that are in a military-civilian relationship, and there’s a lot to unpack.
Here are some things I’ve learned while dating my U.S. Marine.
The language is hard to understand sometimes
I’m not talking about Spanish, although he knows that too. It’s not uncommon for me to ask about his day and for him to use military terms I’ve never heard of before.
Understanding the enlisted rankings was where I started, and he was happy to talk about it. There are three categories of ranks: Junior Marines, Non-Commissioned Officers and Staff Non-Commissioned Officers. Where there is also a breakdown of titles within each of these categories, where military personnel can work towards accelerating their rankings.
Sometimes on certain holidays, like President’s Day, he’ll have a three-day weekend. This is called a “72.” This simply means that military personnel have a 72-hour break between work for the holiday. Likewise, for Christmas and New Year’s, they get a “96.” This is an extension of a 72, where they get an extra day for the holiday.
Then there are things like field day, which is basically a weekly cleaning day of the barracks, and physical training, shortened to PT, which takes place each morning.
This category could go on forever, but if you’re dating someone in the military, just ask if you’re ever confused — sometimes it may slip their mind.
Marines Can Drink… A lot
Not just mine, but many of my boyfriend’s friends who are also Marines — or just in a branch of the military — seem to be able to drink a lot more than even college students.
Their daily life is a high-stress environment, and I’m guessing that’s why the weekends are for drinking and hanging out. My boyfriend can definitely outdrink me, so know your limits and be safe — if you’re over 21.
Send Care Packages When You can
Nothing connects you more when you’re apart when a care package comes in the mail. It shows you’re thinking of them, you know what they like and you can celebrate holidays through it.
This past Valentine’s Day was bittersweet because he wasn’t here, but we were able to send things to one another. We opened them on FaceTime together and it was amazing.
FaceTime is the BEST
We video chat constantly, and sometimes fall asleep together on the call. When days are hard, we have alone time together, where he’ll play his game and I’ll do my homework while we’re on the call.
On days with free time, we get friends together and play games online. Sometimes we just talk together, or by using Facebook Messenger for group calls, we can watch videos together.
On date nights, we use Netflix party to watch movies together. This was totally a game-changer, I’d recommend it for any long-distance relationship. It’s the little moments I appreciate most.
They’ll need your support
Military life is not easy.
I never know what kind of day my boyfriend had. He could have been chewed out for hours after work, roughed up at physical training (PT) or told to re-clean a lobby during field day (basically cleaning day).
The long hours can be draining for him, and it’s important to be understanding when he has free time. Sometimes he needs to recharge, play a game, read or journal. Others, he wants to talk about it and I’m there for him.
Adapting to how to comfort him while never fully being able to understand what he’s going through at work is a challenge, but certainly a challenge I’m up for. Because he does the same for me.
He was easy to fall for
In our case, we fell in love quickly. He was home on leave, we went out on a few dates as we talked about for months, and something clicked that has never clicked with anyone else for me.
This probably has nothing to do with him being in the military, but maybe it does. We took advantage of the time he had at home and fell for each other while doing so.
Worrying About them is tough
If you’re like me, you’re constantly afraid to look at the news. What happened in 2021 in Kabul scared me to my core — 13 U.S. Service Members were killed in an attack.
These things are never predictable, and deployment can happen quickly. Right now, with the war against Ukraine, my heart goes out to the Ukrainian soldiers. My soul is hoping this does not escalate.
I miss him more than I can describe
Missing someone who is your best friend, who you’re in love with, is painful. Wanting to smell them again, hug and kiss them, is so tough to stop thinking about.
Calls make it better, talking about it makes it better and making a countdown until we may see each other again helps the most.
Saying goodbye hurts the worst
When we last said goodbye, I could feel my heart shattering. My insides giving up, the tears streaming down my face, the immediate heartache that felt like a breakup, but it wasn’t.
It was one of the most painful things I’ve had to do. Leaving him in another state, traveling across the country without him.
If your partner is in the military, be prepared for this. Although, I’m not sure anyone could have prepared me for it.
We always say, “it’s just for now.” Truly, it is, and he’ll be home again before I know it.
Dakota, if you’re reading this, thank you for everything you’ve taught me so far.
Love should be a challenge because if it were easy it wouldn’t be as fulfilling. If you can relate to this article, just know that there’s someone out there rooting for you.
Take care.