To the 18-year-old girl, decorated in freckles, with hopeful eyes – this is for you.
When you first set out to college, people threw an entire book of advice at you. And when you sat down and decided to go through it, you, like so many girls your age, left for college with this in mind: make a lot of friends, party hard – but study harder, meet a good man, get a good education, do not eat that late night junk food, and dream big. But no one told you the real, downright truth.
No one told you that you’d make hundreds of friends, but that only a handful would be the ones that you could count on. Only a select few would walk through fire for you and for them you would do the same. Only three or four of them would eat an entire pie of Canyon pizza with you and agree not to tell anyone once the morning came. Only a few would let you spend five hours analyzing one, stupid, meaningless text message. Only a few would listen to your deepest secrets in the pit of your heart, and actually keep them.
Appreciate those seldom few. They are rare and they were put into your life for a reason. Value their time, their friendship, and their loyalty. Once you find your certain few in that dusty cloud of hundreds, hold onto them – their presence is gold.
Speaking of friendship, be what I now like to call, a “women ambassador.” Ignite the topic of women’s rights. Be kind to your fellow sisters. Stop being so judgmental. Instead, raise each other up. Support each other. Speak highly of one another. It is so very important to have an open heart and kind words when you are dealing with your fellow females. You don’t have to like everyone you meet, especially that girl who consistently tries to cut the bathroom line out at night, but you do have to try. Value the women in your life and quit being so critical of one another.
Let yourself be loved, and love another. Let yourself fall hopelessly and tirelessly in love with someone. Be foolish and silly and don’t hang up first. But also, don’t be so blind and naïve. Like one of our favorite poets, Robert Frost once said, “Nothing gold can stay.” Accept defeat. Accept heartache. They are vital parts of life. They force you to grow and to look inside and realize that until you wholeheartedly love yourself, no relationship—no matter how wonderful—is ever going to work.
Love yourself—one, interesting point that now 3 and a half years later I am still working on, but I promise, freshman self, we’re getting there. Stop picking out your flaws and harping on them. Your freckles make you unique. Your smile is something that people truly admire. You are smart. You are creative. You are special. So, stop being so damn hard on yourself. Appreciate your distinctive, wonderful beauty and stop trying to make it so similar to everyone else’s.
And with boys, well that older boy that you spent countless hours getting ready for, who is now over there standing in the corner talking to the girl with cherry lipstick while drinking a Natural Light – he, my friend, is not the one. In time, you will not even remember his name. The boy that you wished all night would text you or call you or show up at your dorm – he is not the one either. I say “boy” because, freshman self, that is exactly what those types are. They do not appreciate, nor value, nor know, who you are – how smart and funny and compassionate you are. Do not tolerate those who are reckless with your heart. Stand up for yourself.
Along with that though, quit being reckless with the hearts of others. You don’t realize yet, that while your self-hating because that loser never called, there are guys out there wishing and hoping for your call. Be kind.
When you get older, you’ll wish so badly that you could go right back to the beginning, but then you’ll stop and realize that it was all such a remarkable experience. Follow your heart. The people who don’t understand your dreams, it is usually because they don’t have dreams of their own. When it comes to your major – build a life, not a bank account. Know your limits (that one could have prevented many nights spent with your head in your garbage can).
No one told you how extraordinary these four years would be, and maybe that was on purpose. Maybe the older people in your life knew just what a powerful journey you were entering. Appreciate this time, all of it, even the hard parts. Years later, I promise, you will be so thankful for every moment, no matter how sad or tough to get through, because each part of this journey prepared you for the next one.
Endless love, support, and pride,
Your older self.