Breakups suck. Being broken up with sucks. Being cheated on sucks even more.
All the emotions floating around in your mind are confusing, and most of the time you just want to cry. I’ve learned this the hard way, and it’s tough to get back into the swing of things. All I know is that music helps; I love music and it always helps me get through tough times – and going through this tough time now has opened me up to a lot of music that I honestly can’t live without right now.
There are different stages you go through during this time, and all of them are horrible. Different music helps for different times, and all I can say is listen to these following songs if you’re going through the same thing I am:
Stage One: Shock
Obviously, right when you find out, you’re shocked. For me, all I wanted to do was forget. Right away, I wanted to see the guy and talk to him – and that hurt. My mind was going insane and I couldn’t think, but these songs helped:
1. “Talia” – King Princess
This is my favorite song, and it’s really helped me through the shock and sadness of it all. It’s a very emotional song about missing your significant other and thinking drinking will make you see him again. This song is all about not understanding that the relationship is done and wishing you can see your person again. “Broke my heart, now I’m wasting my time” – these lyrics in the song mean that even though that person broke your heart, you’re still thinking about them and wasting your time on them.
2. “I Can’t Stop Drinking About You” – Bebe Rexha
This song is just about being upset and drinking away your love. All you can do is drink instead of thinking about the person who’s the cause for your drinking. It’s all about forgetting, and in the lyrics it says that forgetting makes everything better.
3. “Just Another Night” – Icona Pop
This song is about thinking about that person and just wondering if they’re thinking about you. While you’re coping and drinking, you keep imagining yourself with that person, but you realize it’s just another night without them. I love this song so much because it’s really relatable; you might be having fun with your friends and then, for a second, you remember that person you miss and realize you won’t see them again.
Stage Two: Denial
After shock, you’re in denial. I mean, the person you loved cheated on you. You’d never think anyone would cheat on you, so you refuse to believe it’s happened. Trust me, it’s true – but it’s not your fault. Throughout this stage, you’re just in confusion. You can’t stop thinking about how much you love that person and how much you want to be with them. You want to forget you ever heard the truth and fast forward to when you don’t have to be thinking about this all the time, especially when you hear these songs:
1. “(One Of Those) Crazy Girls” – Paramore
I love Paramore because Hayley Williams really puts all the emotions into her songs – and this song is the definition of denial. Hayley is literally saying, “Are we really over now?” It’s as if you’re in disbelief that the relationship is over and you refuse to believe it. In this song, it says that right after your person walks out the door, you’re going to call them right away; the song also says that you’re not crazy. Driving over to your person’s place right after you break up isn’t crazy; it’s just the fact that you’re so upset and confused that you guys are broken up. Right when you hear that you’ve been cheated on, you’re in disbelief because you love that person – they would never do that to you, right? At the end of this song, the lyrics include, “Now I’m one of those crazy girls.” This song goes through the whole experience of being in denial, and it ends with you realizing that your person did cheat on you.
2. “Wake Me Up When September Ends” – Green Day
To be honest, I listen to this song every day. It’s all about being sad and wanting to fast forward to when you won’t be sad anymore. You’re in so much denial about what happened that you just want to move forward to the point where it isn’t on your mind anymore; you just don’t want to deal with the sadness and all of the emotions, and want to literally fast forward to October.
3. “The Night We Met” – Lord Huron
This song is about wanting to go back in time; you wish you could go back to the time when you met that person and when you were in a happier place. I tend to think about that night a lot, which is why this song doesn’t completely help but also allows you to think about the past times in your relationship. It makes you think about the past and not the present, making you feel a sense of denial that you could’ve been cheated on even though the past parts of the relationship were so good.
Stage Three: Anger
You’ve been cheated on by the person you love – you’re not in denial anymore. You actually can’t stop thinking about your person kissing someone else, and all you want to do is scream; this is when the crazy comes out. Be careful in this stage, because you might regret some of the things you say or do. What helped get me through it was just texting that person and yelling at him (or at least writing it all down so those angry feelings aren’t bottled up inside.) You can feel so infuriated and hate yourself for dating this person, and you might even regret the relationship and never want to see this person again; these songs mimic those feelings:
1. “do re mi” – Blackbear
Blackbear is such an amazing singer. He really shows his anger about a girl that betrayed him in this song, and I recommend you listen to all of his music during this stage. This song is all about being done with that person, and wishing you could go back in time and never meet. This song is literally about being cheated on and saying you’re done with the messy relationship; the lyrics talk about how you were pushed around and taken advantage of, and how you wish you’d never met this person.
2. “Figures” – Jessie Reyez
This song is slow, but it’s all about wishing you could hurt that person the way they hurt you. It talks about how perfect you are, and how you wish that person will hurt knowing they’re losing someone so special. It’s a sad song, but it also brings out feelings of anger and disappointment. You’re in so much pain that you just wish the person is in as much pain, maybe more – and you wish that you could do what your person did to you, and you hope they know they messed up.
3. “Jar of Hearts” – Christina Perri
This is a dark song. It’s all about how evil that person is, and how they hold on to your heart and are in control of it; they can easily break your heart again, and you don’t want that. I find that the cheater often comes running back, and that tends to hurt more. This song is about that person coming back, and talks about how unfair it is; Christina Perri is literally singing to that person and telling them to not come back with the lyrics, “I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed.” This song tells a story about the guy that comes back, and all you can say is, “Who do you think you are?” You’re so hurt from being cheated on that you can’t stand to talk to them ever again; they’ve carried your heart around for too long and you’re done.
Stage Four: Loneliness
This is the worst stage, and the longest. You’re done being angry – you just miss the relationship. You’re more disappointed than angry, and you just want to see that person. You have a fear of being alone and want to run back to your person because it’s easy; this stage is tough for me, because I keep going back to it. What helps me through this stage, though, is knowing that cheaters will always be cheaters. You have to remember that if you go back to your person, they might cheat on you again; you have to remember that you deserve better,and that person doesn’t deserve you. Love exists, but not in this relationship – and even if you miss your person, you’ll move on eventually with help from these songs:
1. “Tonight” – FM Static
This song is all about thinking about your person and missing them; you feel alone and you’ve hit a low point. This song talks about how you need the person back and wish you could be in their arms. After being angry, you think about all of those dates and sleepovers, and you’re left laying in bed alone, thinking, “Wow, I miss having someone next to me.” There’s no anger in this song, just feelings of loneliness.
2. “All I Think About Is You” – Ansel Elgort
This song is about admitting that you can’t stop thinking about that person. You don’t know what to do because that person is in your mind, but you’re done. You want to go back to your person, but you don’t know what to do. You might be out with you friends and you seem fine, but inside you can’t stop thinking about your person. I relate to this song a lot because when I’m sad, one of the things I do is try to act normal. I want to have fun and I want to be happy, so I make myself happy – but inside, I can’t stop thinking about my ex.
3. “All I Want” – Kodaline
This is the saddest song I know. It’s about wanting to see your person one more time; you miss them so much and all you want is to see them. You’re so upset and can’t stop missing them, but you still feel betrayed. This song talks about confusion, with lyrics like, “If you loved me, why’d you leave me?” You want to see them and you miss them, but should you? They betrayed you and they cheated on you – why do you want to see them so badly? You want to be angry, but at this point you’re exhausted from being angry. You’ve been hurt so much by this person that you’re just tired, but the only person you want to see is the one that hurt you – because even after everything they’ve put you through, you still love them.
Stage Five: Acceptance
Finally, you’re free. You’re finally at the stage where you can move on. You might still love the person and miss them, but you can move on with your life. You’ve accepted that your relationship is over, that they’re a cheater and you deserve better. Now, you can search for the right person and know you can’t go running back to the wrong one. You can finally reflect on the relationship without crying and remember the good times. You might even be able to see that person and feel fine; you’re at peace, and hopefully on good terms. You know that you don’t deserve to be cheated on and that it isn’t your fault, so you’re single and ready to mingle! Play these songs to get you in the party mood:
1. “Tonight I’m Getting Over You” – Carly Rae Jepsen
You might know what this song is about just from the title; this song is saying that you’re done with being sad, angry, lonely, and a mess. You’re a new person, and you’re ready to move on. This song helps me out so much because it makes me want to go out, have fun, and meet new people. You’re done crying over that cheater, and you want to finally go out and have a good time adjusting to your new life.
2. “IDGAF” – Dua Lipa
This song is about being done with the mess that you’ve been dealing with. You’re done crying and missing your person, and you’re done with your ex running back to you; you want to move on and cut them off. Lyrics like, “I don’t need your love,” are all about not needing your person’s love, which is what you thought you needed and why you wanted to run back. Now, you realize that you’re an independent woman and don’t need a cheater!
3. “The One That Got Away” – Katy Perry
This song is more about acceptance rather than moving on. It’s all about understanding that you lost your love, but you know you’ll find someone else. Your person got away and, maybe in another life, your relationship would’ve worked out – but in this life, it didn’t work out and it never will. You’re accepting it, and even thought it’s sad, you know you’ll be fine. I believe that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Even though you might be missing your person, and feel like you’ll never find someone like them – you will. It’s meant to be that the relationship is over; being cheated on sucks, but now you’ll be able to find someone that loves you 100 times more.
Music is a big part of my life, and if I didn’t have it, I would’ve had a much harder time coping with my breakup. It helps you face your feelings, and it also makes you think about those feelings. It helps you fall in love, cry, and move on – and it helps you get over the person that cheated on you.