I turned 20 years old in September, and it was honestly my least favorite birthday. There is not much that comes with being 20 — it was just the first time that my birthday ever sounded old to me.
I know 20 is not old, but it was the start of a new decade. It is right in the middle of being 10 and 30 years old. I did not feel different, but I couldn’t exactly wrap my head around the fact that I was now in my 20s.
This made me feel like I needed to get my life together, which sent me into a spiral. My mom and I spent a lot of time talking on the phone about this, and she gave me some valuable advice. In my experience, it is always good to hear from people older than you because they have lived through what you are about to go through.
Here are some key takeaways from this transition point in my life.
You don’t need to have everything figured out
I stressed to my mom about how I did not know what I wanted to do with my life, especially since it felt as if everyone around me had an exact plan of what their life was going to be.
I have always been the type of person to try to plan everything out. From a young age, I always said I wanted to be married by 25 and have two kids by the time I turn 28.
My mom always says that life doesn’t go as planned, and you have to be able to embrace change. It is not realistic to plan things out in so much detail because it can set you up for disappointment. See where life takes you and enjoy the unknown.
Do not care so much about what everyone thinks
I have always struggled with being so hyper-focused on what others think of me.
In my teenage years, I would say it was one of my biggest downfalls that held me back from doing a lot of things. It is important to realize that everyone is the star of their own show. Everyone is too focused on themselves to really care about what you are doing.
And if for some reason someone is always judging you and is obsessed with what is going in your life, that just means they have their own insecurities that they need to deal with. Just try to be the best version of yourself and do that for you, not for other people.
Prioritize your health
How you treat your mind and body now will directly affect your future self.
It is okay to go out partying and have fun but it is also important to make a routine of healthy habits now so they will carry on with you into your adult life. Eat healthy food, wear sunscreen, have a skincare routine and keep a clean space.
Everyone goes through a rough patch where it feels like things are falling apart, but as long as you keep some sort of routine in your life, everything else will eventually fall into place.
Letting go of past connections
I have had my fair share of friendships and relationships that have come and gone. With each connection that has faded away, I grieved it. I have a hard time letting go of people and experiences.
However, growing up comes with drifting apart. It is important to be okay with losing people in order for you to move forward with your life. Just because someone was a good fit for you at one point doesn’t mean they were meant to stay around forever.
People come into your life for various reasons, and it is essential to acknowledge the lesson they taught you, whether good or bad. It’s okay to appreciate the past, but you can’t spend time dwelling on it.
Choose people who choose you
Going off of what I just said, it is important to acknowledge the people who have actually stayed around.
It is easy to get so caught up in the newest connections in your life, but never disregard the people who have consistently been there for you. Maintain relationships with people who check in on you, who want to know if you’re doing well and who care if you got a good grade on that test or not.
Don’t pour all your energy into someone who couldn’t care less if you ate breakfast or not. Be there for people like your family and close friends who genuinely care about your well-being, because those are the people who really love you.
Be happy now, not later
People tend to always be working toward a goal. They will say things like “I’ll be happy once I pass this class,” “I’ll be happy once I get a boyfriend,” “I’ll be happy once I move” or “I’ll be happy once it’s summer.”
People, including myself, seem to live more in the future than they do in the present. I have found myself spending so much time thinking about my future rather than just living in the moment, and it has ruined a lot of moments where I could have just been enjoying myself.
It is good to think about the future, but it is not okay to obsess over it. I have asked my mom if she ever wishes she could be 20 again. She told me it was one of the best times of her life, but she has enjoyed every moment of her life.
She says that every new stage comes with its own perks, and the only way to truly enjoy it is by being present. You never know what day is going to be your last, so as cliche as it sounds, just live in the moment.
I really don’t like the thought of getting older, but I have been enjoying learning more about myself. This year has been eye-opening for me in many ways, and my biggest takeaway is learning to embrace the ups and the downs.
While 20 may not have been the best birthday, my 21st is coming up pretty soon, and we all know the perks that come with that! Appreciate life for what it is and choose to be happy right now.