As a big fan of Aziz Ansari, I was disheartened to hear the news about the allegations of sexual assault against him. However, as I read the story from Babe, I realized that this wasn’t really a case of sexual assault, but otherwise a very big misunderstanding. I’m not saying I don’t believe Aziz was in the wrong – because I totally do – but there’s a big difference between the accusations against Aziz and the accusations against other Hollywood actors who were clearly told no.
There’s a lot that men and women can learn from this situation. The woman that accused Aziz never vocally expressed she was uncomfortable. I do think that she’s justified in feeling the way that she does, but there’s a bigger issue behind this situation. As college students, I bet that a majority of women have been in a situation with a man and felt uncomfortable, but ultimately decided not to speak up. I also bet a lot of men walked away from that encounter not feeling guilty because they too assumed, like Aziz, that nothing was done wrong.
One thing I do give credit for Aziz doing was apologizing to the woman when she expressed the next day that he had made her feel uncomfortable.
The biggest thing we can learn as women from this situation is to always speak up for ourselves when we come into situations like this one. We, too, have an obligation to protect ourselves when we’re entering an encounter like this one. This situation shows a very big problem within society that women feel like they’re not allowed to speak up for themselves when faced with this kind of dilemma, and there’s a very big problem that men feel like they don’t have to pay attention to more than words when being involved with a woman in this way.
As men, you also have an obligation to make sure that a woman is always okay. It’s important that you constantly check in, and if a woman seems even a little bit reluctant, then stop the encounter. It’s better to make sure a woman is okay then to reach your own satisfaction.
We, as a society, have to do better to make women feel comfortable to speak up for themselves. It’s not just about rape; it’s about being able to vocally say no when we find ourselves in situations like the one the woman was in with Aziz. I don’t think it’s fair to put Aziz in the category of men like James Franco and Harvey Weinstein, but it’s very important that we learn from this situation. I’m sure that Aziz walked away from this situation with this woman knowing that he should always make sure that the woman is okay, and I hope that the woman walked away from this situation learning to be more vocal.
Header image: Timothy Krause