Now that we’re in college, many of us have that one past relationship we wish we could just forget about. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if a specific name popped into your head the moment you read that sentence. Even to this day, the thought of your old beau still makes you cringe! But before you delete his number, unfriend him on Facebook, and burn every single gift he ever gave you, I encourage you to think twice.
Here’s why that last relationship might not have been a huge waste of your time after all.
You learned that even when relationships end, good memories last forever.
Chances are that despite the breakup, some of your favorite memories are the ones you two shared together. Maybe it was your first date and the fact that your parents had to drive you because you didn’t have a license yet (awkward!). Perhaps it was when he forced you to try seafood for the first time and you pretended you hated him for it. Or maybe it was the time you talked until 4 a.m. and realized that you weren’t just a couple, but best friends, too. No matter how the relationship ended, the moments that made you smile back then should become memories that make you smile for a lifetime.
You realized that you can’t control everything, and that’s okay.
It’s easy to come out of a relationship and immediately wonder, “What did I do?” “Could I have prevented this from happening?” “Was this all my fault?” The truth is, it’s impossible to have control over every single thing in your life. The end of your last relationship was probably one of those things. When you experience a breakup, you learn to find comfort in the fact that you probably had no control over your partner, the decisions they made, or the overall outcome of the relationship. This makes moving forward a lot easier.
You saw both qualities that you like and dislike and learned how to tell the difference.
Did you love the way he made you laugh but hated the fact that he was always late? Take that knowledge, and use it for the next time you choose to date. Aim to find a partner with the qualities you love, and try to steer clear of people with the ones that drove you crazy in the past. You’ll soon realize how much easier it is to be successful in relationships, and how much closer you’ll come to finding your perfect person. And yes, a large part of that comes from what you learned from your ex.
You figured out how to be selfish – in a good way.
While in a serious relationship, it’s common to lose yourself in the desire to make someone else happy. Now that you’re single, what better time exists to focus on yourself? In college, you begin to pave the path for your future more than ever before. You begin to figure out what your goals are and how you want to get there. Celebrate the fact that this is your own journey, and the chance to bring someone else with you will come when the time is right.
But you also learned what it means to love someone else.
Perhaps the most important reason as to why you didn’t waste time in your last relationship is simply the love you learned to feel for someone other than yourself. You sacrificed even when it meant inconvenience. You gave even when it wasn’t necessarily returned. You loved even when love seemed impossible. This is one of the beautiful things for which you can commend yourself, and it should be taken with you into your next relationship.
And now, you appreciate the importance of loving yourself too.
While trying to navigate the confusing, cringeworthy, crazy world of relationships, it’s easy to forget about the first half to the whole – you! Allow yourself to love yourself. I can assure you that when the time is right, it’ll make loving someone else a whole lot easier.