According to a study conducted by David Balk and his colleagues in 2010, 22 to 30 percent of college students have experienced a death of a family member or friend within the last 12 months. (1) Upon reading that statistic I was surprised, because within the last month I have supported that finding. Some may think that the finding is not that harrowing, given that it is only 22 percent. That is such a small number. Right? However, if you look at Purdue alone, we have roughly 40,000 students. That means, according to this statistic, around 12,000 students have lost someone close to them within the last year. I, unfortunately knowing from experience, can tell you that it is not easy.
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I lost someone very close to me just one month ago. Someone that I viewed as a father. We only had a few days to digest the thought that we might lose him, and then he was gone. I wasn’t ready. No one is ever ready to lose someone close to them. And being in college only makes it worse. As I was trying to deal with the troubles in my own life, I still had my academic life to consider. Thankfully, I have a group of amazing professors this semester who helped me through it. From pushing back deadlines to meeting with me personally, they all made sure that the only place my head needed to be was with my family. However, I know that others are not always so lucky with having considerate professors.
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I have heard horror stories of professors being very cruel to students while they were grieving someone close to them. This is something that scared me when I was suddenly put into the same situation. Luckily, most universities prepare for situations like this. Specifically, Purdue has their own system on how they help students during their time of grief. Purdue offers accepted days of absence in the event of you losing someone close to you to give you time to travel and be with your family. Purdue’s Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) also offers many resources to help you.
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Unfortunately, though, I have found that grief is something that does not go away suddenly. It takes time to process, heal, and digest what really happened. Personally, I am still dealing with the effects of losing someone: Grief, Guilt, Loneliness. These are things that live in my head every day. It keeps me up at night, and creeps through at the worst possible times.
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Losing someone close to you is never easy. It is one of the hardest things that a person can go through, trust me I know. What helps though is knowing that you have people around you that are there to listen. There will always be someone close to talk to, even if you do not want them to say anything back. Having someone to listen is important. And, if you can’t find anyone around or want to talk to a stranger, please reach out to me. Because trust me when I say this, we will get through this together. I promise.
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- Balk DE, Walker AC, Baker A. Prevalence and severity of college student bereavement examined in a randomly selected sample. Death Stud. 2010 May-Jun;34(5):459-68. doi: 10.1080/07481180903251810. PMID: 24479187.