I have been going to PWI’s my entire school career, not just college, so it is safe to say I am accustomed to the ways women of color are treated in different situations during these times, especially dating. I recently had a guy slide into my DMs and say that he has never spent time together with a “colored” girl before and asked if I was willing to be the first one. This statement is a prime example of what it is like to date in Indiana as a woman of color. I remember first turning 21 and going out to the bars on my college campus for the first-time thinking wow ok this is where I am going to meet someone for real. Let us just say that was not the case. I remember thinking at that moment, fine maybe I should make the first move and talk to them and see what happens. One word: REJECTION.
I must give it to college guys, they are for sure not sugar coaters, if they do not find you attractive, they are going to tell you and they will not care how they say it. Being on a dating app as a woman of color at a PWI is one very interesting experience. I feel like dating apps can be either a confidence booster or a confidence killer and usually for me it is more on the killing side. For the longest time I truly did not understand why I would never match with guys while my friends would have so many matches, they had the option to choose who to respond to and who to leave on delivered. After taking a trip to Manhattan this past December I soon learned that it is not me, it is the area I live in. I have been on dating apps for a couple of years and the number of matches and dates that I have experienced has been very mundane. Comparing my matches that I get living in Indiana to the number of matches that I received on my 3-day trip to New York was absolutely insane. That was a big wake up call for me to do a lot of self-reflecting and I realized that I am awesome, and it is their loss. If you are a woman of color at a PWI struggling in the dating pool, just remember it’s not you.