It was a dark and stormy night. Well, it was a dark, clear-skied and 3 degree FREEZING night. Which, for a girl wearing a skirt the size of a handkerchief and a strapless top, is kind of the spookiest weather possible. Two friends and one ex lay before me, with a plethora of bottles between us. The costumes were perfect, the result of many months of careful planning and various group chats. The playlist was ideal, a mix of current pop girly hits and old Halloween classics. The shots were flowing, and the drinks were mixed to perfection. Everything was perfect. Little did we know the spooky and horrific fate that was to befall us!
Act One: A Ghoul Possesses Me
If this were a rom-com kind of night, we would have gone out to our cute little house party and maybe made some friends, fell in love, hit up a couple of bars and danced all night. That was the perfect Halloween night I envisioned, as many Queen’s Halloween nights had gone in my past. But of course, this is not a happy story, it’s a horror story. I drank the same amount I usually do, but unbeknownst to me, an evil spirit must have poisoned my drinks, making them ten times as powerful, as it seemed like a poltergeist’s dark energy possessed my body. So I, an innocent victim of Halloween treachery, was of course not responsible for the dastardly and truly terrifying level of drunkenness I reached.
Act Two: My Werewolf Transformation
As I stepped outside into the freezing fall air, above me hung a glowing full moon. So of course, as I walked to the party, shivering, a transformation began to occur inside of me. A sweet, innocent girl became mutilated, a feral wolf-like monster was born. I lost all control of my behaviour, and stopped in the middle of the walk, fell to all fours in a wolf-like stance, and sprayed puke everywhere. As I fell into my friend’s comforting arms, I turned on her and made her my next victim. I began to cry (about what, who knows?) and fall to the ground, writhing, leaving her to struggle to pick me up. She eventually resigned to just sink to the dirty ground with me and hold me as I let it all out (my tears and more vomit), and wait for me to transform back into my regular self.
Act Three: Go Piss Zombie Girl
The next assailant that decided to terrorize me for the night was the cold weather. Once I was done with my screaming, crying and throwing up, I got up and attempted to perform a zombie-like shuffle to the address of the party. This became difficult as I began to shake and shiver, not from terror, but from the treacherous temperature and my lack of clothing. However, about a block away from the house, when safety, warmth and a bathroom were just beginning to be in sight, I decided I needed to pee. Badly. So, I crept into a dark and spooky alley, jumping at every small noise while trying not to picture a killer following behind me.Â
Act Four: My Vampire Era
Having peed, cried, been frozen, and vomited, I had already been sufficiently nightmarish. However, my Halloween tricks (there were no treats all night) were not over. Mere minutes into arriving at the party, I decided my current state was too disastrous, and I needed to go home. Like a vampire sucks blood out of their victim, I sapped the joy from all of my friends’ night. They ubered me home, and instead of having a fun night of Halloween partying, I spent the night with my head in a toilet, scaring my friends with how hard I was shivering. In the distance, I could hear my ex crying (ha ha) and my two friends fighting (uh oh), but all I could do was focus on my slow and ugly recovery.
That night, I learned that sometimes, even though you know your usual limits, alcohol sneaks up on you in ways you don’t expect. All jokes aside, I drank the same amount as I always do, and for some reason, got nightmarishly drunk rather than my usual tipsy. It happens, and understanding why is not important. It’s only important that in situations like these, you to have people around you that you can rely on to take care of you and nurse you back to health. My dear friend, a sober angel trying to enjoy a relaxing night in with her boyfriend, did this for me on the weekend, and without her I’m not sure I would have made it out of my horror story alive.
Furthermore, it’s important when drinking with a group that you have friends who prioritize your well-being, and will cancel their plans to take you home if necessary. Even though I ruined my friends’ night, and was a drunk, messy monster, nobody made me feel bad about it. Just like every horror movie final girl needs her signature scream, every horrendously drunk trainwreck needs her good friends by her side.
The next morning, I woke up (thank god), and I was hungover, drained, and in pain, as all surviving heroines are. And then, just when I thought the nightmare was over, I heard an ominous notification from my phone. I picked it up with trembling hands, as my greatest fears were confirmed. I gasped in horror as I read the notification. It was…. DUN DUN DUN… a reminder that I have to write this HerCampus article today. Boo!