In high school I was not much of an athlete, and was reluctant to join any sports programs for fear of my lack of ability. My life was largely confined to my academic responsibilities, and my well-being suffered as a result.
Nevertheless, I found that going to the gym provided an effective outlet for relieving stress. It was flexible with my schedule and didn’t require me to showcase any abilities I may have lacked in front of an audience. As time progressed, however, I became obsessed with the idea of working out to maintain a certain physique and forced myself through workouts every week just to feel confident.
Without realizing it, I was developing a subconscious need to work out and, simultaneously, a self-image utterly dependent on it.
I carried this mentality of working out as a ‘duty’ with me to university, and often punished myself for shirking my ‘responsibility’ to myself and the body I wanted when I would miss a session. Rather than it being an outlet for stress as I originally intended, working out became something unhealthy, resulting in a source of anxiety on top of the stresses accompanying my academic career.
My realization came halfway through first year, after a long period of avoiding the gym.
In the absence of exercise, I found myself hyper focused on school, and needed to release the energy that was taking over my mental-wellbeing and making productivity impossible.
At first, my progress was slow. It was difficult to overcome a mindset that had previously held me back from benefitting from exercise in a manner that was conducive to a positive self-image. Although it took some time, I was eventually able to reframe my thinking.
I found that going to the gym with friends or using it as an opportunity to listen to new music helped me to envision it as an activity that I looked forward to. Though I recognized that physical activity was an essential component of a healthy lifestyle (especially among college students), it wasn’t until I went through this realization and experienced its mental benefits firsthand that I was able to truly appreciate it for what it was.
If I were to pose the question of why I work out to my current self, I would respond by answering that I work out because it makes me feel good. It helps me to relieve stress, improves my sleep, and overall benefits my mental health.
As of now, I don’t restrict myself to a strict workout schedule, and go when I have the time or when it best benefits me. While working out to maintain a specific body image or achieve a predetermined calorie count may work for some, it didn’t work for me, and I feel healthier as a result.