Self-care seems simple enough. The concept itself is straightforward: take the time to do little things that make you feel better. Whether it’s taking a break from studying to watch a movie, make yourself a nice dinner, or do a fancy face mask, there are plenty of ways to take care of yourself. But what about when these don’t work?
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Sometimes you don’t know what will make you feel better, or the things that you thought would work just aren’t doing the trick. When you’re in hour 15 of isolating yourself in your bedroom and still haven’t even looked at your assignment that was due yesterday, watching Netflix’s newest rom-com won’t help. Trust me. It’s during times like these that the traditional approach to self-care seems utterly pointless, and it very well may be.
One of the most effective ways to practice self-care is to move away from the “What can I do to make myself feel better?” approach and try the “What am I doing that’s worsening my anxiety/low mood/stress, and can I stop doing that?” approach. We might not know what will make us feel better, but we can usually pinpoint some things that are making us feel worse.
Because I’ve realized that skipping class because of anxiety only makes me more anxious, I now count going to class as self-care. Because I know the ‘scaries’ I get after going out greatly affect my mood and productivity, I only go out 1-2 times a week. Self-care is about seeking out helpful things, but it is just as important to avoid the harmful things.
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When you take the pressure off yourself to figure out the perfect things to make you feel good, self-care becomes more doable. There isn’t any perfect thing to rid you of stress, anxiety, depression, or anything else that negatively affects your day to day life. But sometimes there are things that make the problems worse, and becoming aware of them and avoiding them will make you feel better.
Self-care is ultimately about holding yourself accountable to the activities and practices you engage in, and reflecting on how they affect you. It’s going to get groceries, no matter how much you don’t want to, because you know that continuing to eat plain rice is only going to make you feel worse. It’s starting to clean your room little by little because every day that you avoid doing it only makes your life feel more hectic. It’s getting off Instagram for a few days because you can’t stop comparing yourself to every Queen’s Baddie you see.
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I’m not suggesting that our choices, activities, and practices are the root cause of all our negative feelings. Things like anxiety and depression are out of our control. But if after some self-reflection you can pinpoint the things that make these problems worse, I encourage you to stop doing them. That’s self-care, and it’s definitely not always pretty or Instagrammable, but it works.
If you are struggling with mental health, please check out the following resources: