Friendship is the greatest joy in all of existence. Community and interpersonal relationships are what we live for, and there is nothing better than having friends around you who you love. This is an obvious truth that I have known and lived by all my life. I am the kind of person who lives for girls nights, weekend plans, and group hangs. So university has been perfectly suited to me, and the bustling community atmosphere of Queen’s has quickly become a second home.
So, I should not have been surprised when moving home to work a year-long Co-op proved difficult for me. I knew before I left that this would be hard. I knew that there would be FOMO on multiple fronts, as it feels like everyone my age is at school right now, while I am at home. But still, I’m shocked at how difficult the adjustment was.
As an extreme overthinker with an inability to let anything go, I have decided that this is a major problem that I must spend hours speculating on, and I have come up with a few thoughts:
Firstly, I have realized how dependent I am on others for my mental health. I never considered myself an extrovert, but at a certain point, I have to face the fact that I totally am. By definition: I get all of my energy and joy from social interaction. However, realizing you are happiest when you are around other people is one thing, and convincing yourself that it is a problem is another. Because, for me, rather than accepting that this was something I had to work on, I just made sure to constantly be reaching out to people, joining clubs, sports teams, and planning multiple hangouts and calls with anyone I could.
Now, that’s fine on paper, but there are some issues. Everyone loves their friends, sure, but not everyone spirals to the deepest depths of dismay when left to their own devices for twenty-four hours. Loving being around people is fine, but I have realized I am absolutely dependent on it, with an inability to live without constant socialization. Soon, I will be out of university, and who knows, I could wind up living alone, or even in a whole new city. So, I want to work on this now, using this internship as a sort of test run, to ensure that I can thrive in many different spaces, not just in Kingston surrounded by friends.
Another conclusion I have come to is that being so reliant on the people around you for your emotional well-being is unfair to them. When I find myself upset or lonely, I also have noticed that I get extremely sensitive and take things my friends say or do incredibly personally. That is a lot of pressure to put on the people you care about most. It keeps me from not only feeling content regardless of the behaviour of others, but also from being the best friend that I can be.
But fret not, my intent behind writing this article is not to be depressing! In fact, the opposite: I’m very happy I have spent the time getting to know myself enough in order to figure this out, and am excited to work on it, now that I have gotten to the root cause behind some of the unhappiness I’ve been feeling being at home. I’ve been doing a lot better and truly think I have made a lot of steps in the right direction. And, I have come up with a few strategies that have been incredibly helpful. So, if you found yourself relating to any part of this article, I would suggest the following ways to work on enjoying life all on your lonesome:
- Invest in the day-to-day. For me, this means taking a bit more time and being a bit less lazy with the things I do. I have been trying to, for example, cook some more difficult meals for myself, which can be super gratifying.
- Invest in your space. Diffusers, plants, lights, music. When I am alone in my room, it is much more enjoyable when it is clean and pretty.
- Invest in yourself. Getting more sleep, as well as doing things like stretching and running, have put a pep in my step and made each day more joyful. Also, I have been taking my hobbies and creative outlets much more seriously, and I set goals for myself that are personal and just for me. And doing a work term is not all bad: it has me thinking about my future much more concretely, and taking time to get excited about that brings me a lot of pleasure as well.
- Leave the house. My whole life, I have been used to going out all the time. But now working a remote internship, I get used to going days on end without going outside. A lot of the things I’m doing at home could be done elsewhere. It is much more fun to read a good book at a cafe, in a nice outfit, with a too-expensive latte by your side, than in your bedroom.
- Reach out. My journey to being satisfied by myself is just beginning, and it’s not going to happen all at once. When all else fails, hanging out with friends is still one of my favourite things and that is never going to change. My goal is only to be less dependent, not to cut everyone out of my life altogether.
I hope anyone reading this sees it the way I do: as an interesting self-reflection. One that is going to be incredibly helpful in the oh-too-fast-approaching adult future that we will all face when we leave university. If that is not the case, and reading this instead made you pity me and think I am a friendless loser, then I hope it at least made you appreciate living in a community like Queen’s. Here’s to the years of living with your friends, and a future of living for yourself!