Whether you weren’t hired for a highly sought-out job position or a potential romantic candidate hit you with the classic “it’s not you, it’s me,” rejection sucks. There’s no way of sugar-coating it, even after consistently reminding yourself that it’s inevitable. In the social, academic and career facets of our lives, we’ve all likely been informed of unfortunate news and know that it’s normal to mourn the loss of an opportunity that we never had. We’ve even heard about the roadblocks that extremely successful people, from The Beatles to Oprah Winfrey, faced and overcame to rise to fame and fortune. Despite these communal teachings, however, the pain that we experience from our rejections – big or small – is not pacified. So, while I’m only in my second year of university and am certainly no Paul McCartney, I want to provide some helpful tips for navigating disappointment and sadness upon receiving rejection.
- Acknowledge your sadness, but don’t wallow in it
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Acknowledging that you’re experiencing rejection is the first step to overcoming it. This can demonstrate bravery when the easy thing to do is put up a front and suppress how you feel. Conversely, you may have a strong inclination to pity yourself and act like the world is ending. However, doing this will only amplify the distress you feel, and you’ll ultimately dig yourself into a bigger hole of misery. Don’t shy away from reflecting upon your emotions, as this is fundamental to coping with your rejection, but be sure to maintain a sense of balance and approach the situation realistically.
- Write down the consequences of being rejected
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How do you maintain a sense of balance and a realistic mindset when facing rejection? There are many ways to go about this, but I recommend taking the time to articulate why you’re upset over the incident and acknowledge the consequences of the rejection. If listing the consequences sounds like a strange request, well, that’s because it is. However, our minds often go to strange places when we get rejected. Whether you’re thinking I will never find someone who likes me back or I will never get hired for a job, do some introspection and write down your fears regarding your rejection. Then, go back and write down facts that contradict the global statements that you just made; for example, list all the people who have liked you before, remind yourself that it only takes one romantic partner to change your perspective on love, and acknowledge that you still have plenty of opportunities to meet more potential romantic partners in the future. More often than not, doing this will put your disappointment into a broader perspective and help you realize that you’re catastrophizing an isolated incident.
- Look for new opportunities
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Depending on your specific circumstances, this can mean a plethora of things. If you were rejected by a company, keep your eyes on the job market for other available positions. Even if you had your heart set on a particular position, don’t confine yourself to one role; instead, consider your rejection as a chance to explore other opportunities in your field that play to your strengths and abilities. If your rejection revolved around a friendship or romantic relationship, you could also keep your eyes on the market and look for someone new, or take the time to learn about yourself as an individual and invest in your passions. Unable to think of a specific passion or hobby that you want to explore? Take this time to try new things and be open to expanding your identity. Whatever the source of your rejection is, don’t fixate on your losses, and consider new avenues to examine.
- Talk it out with friends and family
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Upon getting rejected, it’s normal to feel lonely and isolated in your experience. This alienating conviction is only amplified when our social media timelines are strictly filled with others’ successes and joyful moments. The best way to resolve this issue, and to help us heal from our rejection at large, is to reach out to the significant people in our lives. Not only will your friends and family offer you solace, but they’ll also make you realize that they, too, have had their fair share of rejection and yet, they’re doing just fine. After speaking to friends and family about your feelings, your relationships with them will be strengthened, and coping with your rejection will become easier.
- Remind yourself how far you’ve come
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It may sound cliché, but this is an incredibly important step when overcoming rejection. It’s natural to reflect on the areas of our lives that we want to work on or improve –– whether that means getting that job or having that person like us back –– but we rarely take the time to also appreciate our accomplishments. If you find yourself hyper-focused on your rejection, think of your most valued assets, your strongest relationships, and your proudest triumphs. While it’s certainly appropriate to strive to improve your career and social endeavors at times, don’t forget to recognize the challenges you’ve endured, the growth you’ve experienced and the resilience you’ve demonstrated in the past. Express gratitude towards yourself and understand that one rejection does not define you, but how you react to it does.