Throughout my entire life, I have always held high expectations – about relationships, friendships, holidays, my birthday, school, myself – basically anything that was going to happen in my life. I would create a scenario in my head of how I envisioned it happening. The problem with expectations is they’re often unrealistic. A perfectly good friendship or date with your significant other can be quickly ruined because of the unrealistic expectations that you hold.Â
When someone tells you to lower your expectations, it doesn’t mean that you should ever settle. Hell no! You want something, go get it. Perhaps the best advice I have ever received was this: you cannot control what others do or say or how they behave. The only person you can control is yourself. Just because you are incredibly good to somebody, does not mean they have to be incredibly good to you.
Of course, kind people return the favour of being kind. But not every single person you are good to HAS to be good to you. It may be a hard pill to swallow but it is the truth.Â
Expectations are the scenarios you create in your head of how you want something to play out. Whether that’s a date, an event, or a friendship. When you create this scenario, you cater to your needs, you create the best possible outcome for yourself. From personal experience, this often leads to disappointment.Â
When I learned that I can’t control what others do, I began to lower my expectations. Lowering my expectations has made my life a lot more fun. I stopped trying to control the situation. I stopped caring about what others did and only focused on what I was doing.Â
When someone does something that hurts you, you can’t control that. It already happened, for whatever reason, this person has decided to do something that upset you. The only thing you can control now is how you react to it. You should always do what is the absolute best for you. This is how you change the narrative and regain the power.Â
Lowered expectations mean you stop trying to micromanage and control what others do. Lowered expectations do not mean you are willing to settle. Lowered expectations mean that you understand that the only person you can control is yourself.
Other people are going to do what they want to do, and you have no say in this matter. Their actions will tell you all you need to know. Based on their actions, you can control how you choose to react. Do not force what you cannot control. Stay true to who you are, your needs, your wants, and your values. These are the things you can control.Â
