Making a LDR Work

So, you’ve met someone great. They’re good-looking and funny, and you get along well. Everything is seemingly perfect… except that they live in a completely different time zone than you. Maybe you met them on their vacation visiting your country, or you met them online. However it happened, you’re wondering what to do. Can you still make it work?

While there’s no doubt that this situation is scary and challenging, it doesn’t necessarily call for a total loss of hope. Long-distance relationships may seem daunting, but they can work. They just require some extra special attention and effort.

Here’s a list of tips on keeping a long-distance love alive and healthy. 

1. Create a set of rules to follow. Outline expectations of how often to call/text, methods to talk, and any other guidelines to ensure open communication and make sure you’re both on the same page. 
2. Schedule a specific day/time to call. Whether this is once a week, once every few days, or whatever you may choose. Allocating a specific date and time for a phone call ensures that it happens and can keep you motivated throughout your days as you look forward to calling each other.
3. Keep diary entries. Make a shared Google Doc, send letters, or even long text messages. Talk about your day(s); important things that happened and even just a general recap of life to make your partner feel connected to you. This is especially helpful for couples who have big time differences between them. 
4. If fighting a time difference, take advantage of that with updates while they’re asleep. Send your partner messages as you go about your day while they sleep in another time zone, and vice versa.
5. Plan your next in-person meet during an in-person meet. No matter how soon or far away the next meeting is, try to plan it while you’re in the middle of one. This makes saying goodbye a little easier each time, as you have an idea of when you’ll see each other next.  
6. Surprise each other with ‘gifts’. Mail snacks, letters, and/or care packages if you can. Or maybe UberEats something to them. If physical gifts aren’t possible, online letters, videos or slideshows are also ways to make your partner feel appreciated and loved from far away. Remember, the little thoughtful gifts count just as much as a big gesture.
7. Communicate your discomfort. If you’re feeling hurt or lonely, don’t try to hide it out of guilt. Open communication is key to making any relationship work. Hiding your feelings could lead to tension and emotional distance, which could negatively impact your connection. 
8. Do things together via video call. Watch movies, YouTube videos, have a virtual music listening party, etc. It’ll make you feel like you’re right there in the same place together. 
9. Exchange schedules. This can help you know where the other is in their day so you can know if they’re busy or not, and it can also make the other feel closer to you. 
10. Have a good support system. Whether its friends, family, or an online support group, make sure you’re not dealing with this alone. Everyone needs support.
11. Have a show or hobby you share. You can update each other on a show you’re watching or hobby you’ve picked up even when the other isn’t there with you. It’s great as a conversation piece as well!
12. Have a deep talk about the reality of the relationship. One that’s open and intimate. Some questions to consider…
    • Are we willing to put in the extra effort?
    • Do we have the necessary resources (or a plans to acquire them) to make this work? E.g., money, time, transportation, etc…
    • How often will we see each other? Which one of us is doing the travelling?
    • Will we share travel expenses or take turns?
    • What’s our end goal or the goal we envision? Time frame?
13. Exchange each other’s signature scents. It’s a dreamy, comforting reminder of your partner’s presence. Spray it on your pillow or on any clothes of theirs you’ve kept, so you can feel like they’re in bed with you at night. 
14. Make each other seasonal playlists. Spotify makes this easy. Create a joint Spotify playlist so that you can both add to and listen to the same songs, especially throughout different times of your day. 
15. Make the same meal for dinner and over a video call if you can. Find a new recipe you’re both curious to try and video chat while you cook and also while you enjoy your delicious food. 
16. Plan a trip (even if it’s imaginary for now). Pick your dream city and chart out what hotels you could potentially stay at, fun activities, and restaurants you’re dying to try. 
17. FLIRT. CONSTANTLY. This one is true for every relationship but especially when you can’t show physical affection. Remind you partner how much you love them, compliment them constantly, and do your best to verbalize how much you appreciate and adore them. It’s a nice reminder and makes you feel like you’re being hugged from far away.

As someone on the verge of entering a LDR, I sympathize with anyone in a similar position. Don’t forget that anything worth keeping is worth working for. The distance may prove to be a challenge and difficult at times, but not all good things can come easily. If it’s meant to be, it’ll all be worth it. They do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

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• long distance relationships
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