I keep seeing “Clean Girl” quasi-influencers documenting their elaborate bedtime rituals on TikTok. Complete a 10 step skin routine, put in heatless curls, light a candle, read a novel, do cuticle care, meditation, bullet journal —they somehow find the time (and motivation) to do it all!
I admire their dedication (although sometimes it does seem a bit too Patrick Bateman-y to me), but I have never been able to live up to their standards. Not even close! My bedtime routine usually goes something like this:
- Spend a few hours mindlessly scrolling on my phone—social media, the news, my emails, whatever.
- Stress about not getting enough sleep, get up to brush my teeth, shower (maybe), and then get into my unmade bed.
- Try to find an ASMR video on Youtube that doesn’t annoy me (please, no gross saliva sounds…). End up picking a podcast instead.
- Realize much later that I’ve been listening to the podcast instead of trying to fall asleep. Suddenly feel extremely stressed.
- Get up for a drink of water straight from the tap, like a dog from a hose. Get back in bed, get super cozy, almost pass out…
- JOLT UPRIGHT. There was an assignment on my calendar that I forgot about! Spend a few minutes trying to log into OnQ on my phone to check the due date. It’s a few days away (phew).
- Repeat the words FALL ASLEEP FALL ASLEEP FALL ASLEEP FALL ASLEEP FALL ASLEEP in my head.
- Remember every weird or awkward thing I have said this week and every week before that.
At some point, in the dead of the night, I pass out. Not-nearly-enough hours later, I wake up so exhausted I’m literally nauseous. If I make it to my 8:30AM class, I spend the rest of the day in a zombie-like state or end up wasting hours napping. My productivity suffers, as well as my health.
Sleep is important for so many reasons. First of all, not getting enough sleep actually increases your risk for a multitude of serious illnesses over time, including heart disease, stroke, and obesity. But that’s not the only thing—sleep is also critical to your mental health. According to recent psychological research, if you’re having problems sleeping, you are more likely to:
- Feel anxious, depressed or suicidal
- Have psychotic episodes (including mania, psychosis or paranoia), or make existing symptoms worse
- Feel lonely, depressed or have low energy
- Have problems concentrating
- Feel irritable or otherwise overly-emotional
Unlike the long-term physical effects, these impacts can be felt almost immediately. The first thing my therapist asks me when I’m doing poorly is “how are you sleeping lately?” My answer is usually “I’m not.” I’ve tried many times to fix my sleep schedule, but have never actually succeeded in doing so. This month, I’m finally committing to improving my sleep, and by extension, my TikTok following!
Let me be clear—I’m joking. I don’t make lifestyle TikToks, and I hate the culture around “Self Care.” The image that “Clean Girls” sell actually really bothers me. The wellness industry rakes in TRILLIONS every year—yes, that’s trillions, with a “T”—by making people (mostly women) feel insecure about their lifestyles. Honestly, I’d say their tactics are almost predatory. Unhappy people are vulnerable and willing to do anything to feel better, including forking over a boatload of cash. One study says that $1 in every $20 spent by consumers worldwide goes towards wellness products. TikTok’s “Clean Girls” are selling a lie: “if you light a scented candle, put on a face mask, and get in a bubble bath, you can be just like me!” The good news is that you can be clean, content, and well-rested without splurging on a zillion products.
Perhaps out of spite, I’m going to achieve that outcome without spending a cent. Here are the rules I’ll be following for the next few weeks:
- No naps in the afternoon! It’s too easy to get caught in the cycle of sleeping during the day and then feeling restless at night.
- Set “Do Not Disturb” schedules on my phone, including an hour of “wind down” time before going to sleep. Put my phone away by midnight.
- Complete the same key tasks every night—just basic hygiene and putting comfy PJs on. My routine won’t be aesthetically pleasing, but it will still signal to my brain that it’s time to go into night-mode.
- Once I turn the lights out, I’m not getting up again. If it turns out that I had a secret assignment hiding somewhere in a syllabus, so be it! My head must stay on my pillow no matter what.
It should be easy enough, right? I hope that by making this promise in an article (that will exist on the internet forever), I’ll feel guilty enough to actually follow through. If you’re like me and struggle to get healthy sleep, I hope you’ll join me on this journey of low effort self-improvement. Your body will thank you!