I wasn’t the biggest fan of high school. It could have been the dreary vibes of the average U.S. public school, but I often chalked it up to having unfulfilling friendships. Realistically, it’s probably both of those things and several more reasons, but that’s neither here nor there. I was eager to leave high school to find friends who were better for me, who I wouldn’t have to create different versions of myself for to be more palatable, but I’ve found that it’s not that simple.
Blaming my high school friends wasn’t the solution to the problem, as one may assume (clearly not me). I was shocked that when I got to Queen’s I didn’t meet my best friends right off the bat, although I was lucky enough to have made a few of my closest friendships while going in grade 12 at a Canadian high school. I was also fortunate to have my sister around to make me feel more secure. I began to wonder if I was the problem in these situations — technically I was a common denominator. But once again, I was wrong.
The truth is, I had to evolve. Were my high school friends my favourite people? No. But they weren’t the ones forcing me to change how I acted around people — I was. It took stepping out of my comfort zone to realize that I never had to do things like that to make people like me and I didn’t even recognize I was doing it in the first place. Fortunately, university is a time when everyone around me is experiencing similar troubles with self-identification, so I was in good company. It always feels so superficial and easier said than done to just “be myself,” but I knew it was the right time to change and grow; so I gave into it. I acted like I didn’t care what people thought and embraced my personality, because I knew I would find the right people that way. In doing that, something unexpected (but maybe expected by the average reader) happened: I actually stopped caring for the most part and befriended some of the greatest people I know. Since first year, it has only improved for me.
In honour of this week’s theme of reflection, I decided to bring in the thing that I reflect on every day. I don’t look back on high school wishing I did things differently and made other friends, because everyone in my life at that point has taught me a lesson about myself. These lessons were what ultimately led me to the conclusion that they weren’t the only things not compatible with me — I wasn’t being compatible with myself.
Every day, I try to find a way to express gratitude for the people in my life who constantly show me how much they love my authentic self (and whose authentic selves I love just as much), because they helped me change my life for the better. I couldn’t be more lucky to have such amazing people surrounding me who I genuinely can think about and cherish on a daily basis.
But I don’t cherish them because I disliked high school so much. I love my friends because they bring out the best parts of my true personality. I feel strongly that I wouldn’t be my real self if I had pretended that I was a “first-chair” kind of girl to get on the Queen’s Ski Club exec board, or written disingenuous pieces to become a writer for Her Campus, or pretended to enjoy things or people that never interested me. If I had done all those things, I wouldn’t ever feel accepted. Alternate versions of me would be accepted — and why would I do that if authenticity is what makes me feel so fulfilled anyways?
After learning more about myself, I know that my high school friends were never to blame entirely. No one is to blame in general: it’s all part of the growth process. I can live every day feeling grateful for ALL of my experiences that brought me to the people that make me so happy day to day.