From your high school sweetheart who you thought you’d marry, to the older bad boy who swept you off your feet, all good things must come to an end. Don’t let them come to a “kind of” end though, or a “can always go back” end, but a complete and hard end. I know a lot of people really vouch for remaining friends with their exes – I used to as well. I figured that I’d always care about this person and it’d be harmless and easy to do. In practice however, I found this to be far from the truth. Here are my reasons for completely cutting off ties with all my ex-partners:
1. There is no going back.
In my experience, a lot of exes who stay friends either end up getting back together or at least one of them intends to. Fine, if you have second thoughts about the breakup or perhaps only realize how much you really love your other half when they’re gone, remaining friends is the safe option. But if you’re sure that this person is not right for you and you know there is no possibility of ever getting back together, do not tease that possibility with a friendship.
2. They were never really just your friend to begin with.
If your relationship started off romantically charged to begin with, there is no friendship to really go back to. Why force a new, awkward friendship with someone you used to see naked?
On the other hand, if you started out as actual friends, this may be harder to do. Perhaps you’ve known each other since you were young or connected within your friend group. Well, now that friend group has to choose one of you and you have permanently lost the friend you once had in each other. Sorry! But that’s the risk you took when you chose to date your best friend. Don’t cry over spilled milk though, you’ll both recover and find happier lives with new people and new friends.
3. You WILL eventually stop caring about them.
If you keep your exes in your life, keeping tabs with them and catching up with them regularly, you will never forget about them. Upon breaking up, we promise that we’ll always care about one another no matter what. Given that this is someone that was once an important and large part of your life, this is fair to say – but it shouldn’t be true. You should not be caring about your exes and worrying about what they’re doing on your wedding day. You need to forget about them in order to completely and genuinely move on.
4. It will hinder both of your abilities to move on.
Do not continue to hang out with each other. Don’t chat and update each other regularly. You are both trying to move on. Seeing your ex’s name in your messages and even their faces in person is not aiding your brain in the memory removal process. If you ended the relationship, sure – it may be considerate to stay in touch for a brief time following your breakup to make sure they’re handling it okay. After all, this is someone you cared about and (hopefully) want to be happy again. But there will come a time when they don’t need you to check up on them anymore, rather for you to simply leave them alone so they can genuinely forget about you.
5. It is not fair to your current lover.
The ultimate underlying reason you should not be friends with your exes is that it is straight up unfair to your current partner. Again, the sheer act of bothering to ask how your ex is doing shows, to some degree, that you still care about them. How would you feel if you were in a relationship with someone who still thought about their ex? Even if these thoughts are out of sheer curiosity or respect for that ex, you should respect your new partner more to completely cut your old ties.
In summary: clean cut, ladies! It is over and it will never be ever again.